'The three men approached. O knelt down on the rug, her green dress in a corolla around her. Her bodice squeezed her; her breasts whose nipples were visible, were at the level of her lover's knees. "A little more light," said one of the men. As they were adjusting the lamp so that the beam of light would fall directly on his sex and on his mistress's face, which was almost touching it, and on her hands which were caressing him from below, Rene suddenly ordered: Say it again: 'I love you.'" O repeated "I love you," with such delight that her lips hardly dared brush the tip of his sex, which was still protected by its sheath of soft flesh. The three men, who were smoking, commented on her gestures, on the movement of her mouth closed and locked on the sex she had seized, as it worked its way up and down, on the way tears streamed down her ravaged face each time the swollen member struck the back of her throat and made her gag, depressing her tongue and causing her to feel nauseous. It was this same mouth which, half gagging on the hardened flesh which filled it, murmured again: "I love you." The two women had taken up positions to the right and left of Rene who had one arm around each of their shoulders. O could hear the comments made by those present, , but through their words she strained to hear her lover's moans, caressing him carefully, slowly , and with infinite respect, the way she knew pleased him. O felt that her mouth was beautiful, since her lover condescended to thrust himself into it, since he deigned publicly to offer caresses to it, since, finally, he deigned to discharge in it. She received as a god is received, she heard him cry out..' ~Story of O

The offending passage. 

In its stilted old-timey translated way, it's not entirely unlike the good news bible vibe - no? 

Maybe I'm making that up, my sexual being so swamped with sadness on this earthly plane atm that I have to take it on faith that it still exists at all. I did find the 5 of Cups Betty Paige collage photo - the exact image meant to represent that faith, been looking for it for months. That collage is the first thing I am going to make there, sitting at the kitchen table. And wouldntcha know, it's the card of the day (again) 

Ima gonna put a spin on it

I also got a pistol permit, notice of, and the promise of all needed assistance all of which I intend to accept, and that'll take me into pheromone alive land, ie give me something to fucking do with my self besides wallpaper. Aim. Shoot. Bang. Chaperoned and shepherded so I don't gotta chit chat, love that. 

But. I gotta get through this first. There is a rain cloud directly over me every day all day, and I do not want to take that sad monsoon season forward into the new time. I would rather stay in the shitty moment and see the storm through.