VIRGO In her poem "Not Anyone Who Says," Virgo writer Mary Oliver looks down on people who declare, "I'm going to be careful and smart in matters of love." She disparages the passion of anyone who asserts, "I'm going to choose slowly." Instead she champions those who are "chosen by something invisible and powerful and uncontrollable and beautiful and possibly even unsuitable." Here's my response: Her preferred formula sounds glamorous and dramatic and romantic -- especially the powerful and beautiful part. But in practice it rarely works out well -- maybe just ten percent of the time -- mostly because of the uncontrollable and unsuitable part. And now is not one of those times for you, Virgo. Be careful and smart in matters of love, and choose slowly

Love shmove - grumpgrumpgrump - think about it, real (REAL) friends you keep for decades, while romances flame up and out like rashes. If we could phone a friend for what we needed instead, we would all be that much closer to winning together than being losers alone.

The kitchen is almost done painted. Seems like that would be unrelated to this train of thought but.  Tj noted when he got home that nesting is life affirming for me and that as my child, my witness (that is all a child is to you, a character witness, and in all other ways their life has nothing to do with you mostly), he has internalized this but is equipped with no skills to do it. You don't need skills in painting or whatever, I tell him. You need peeps. I didn't do one thing myself. I phoned a friend.

As for the painter. How do you know her?, he asked. And I had to think..when have I not known her?? Seems like forever. 22 years. Since she got kicked out of a convent and I met her on the rebound full of that story I so wanted to hear.

Tj is the last witness and he reflects on it. As youngest, he sees all that has come before and how it turned out. He sees all our intentions and where they went. He sums us all up. What fears drive us, what pitfalls we jump into repeatedly, how we mean well. And fail. And that failure is inherent. It is HUMAN. He says of his father, he wants have been a good father even though he wasn't there. I asked him in the car ride home tonight, ok be honest what do I? "You want to have gotten LIFE RIGHT. And you mostly did."