monday

I feel like buying an empathy pack of reservation cigarettes for every sorry fucker babbling nonsensically on Elmwood - the distances between now, post rooms full of people all day, and 36 hours ago, and everywhere inside me in between, um, whoa man - and I'm so not the only one half a bubble off plumb, in fact I think I'm noticing that most of the people I know are some kind of struggling to hold it together - I walked into Patti's office and sat down and we just stared at each other, struck dumb by simple daily effort to be okay and competent more or less.  I finally said, Can I see your ring? She slid it off her finger and said "it's filthy, soap scum gets caught between it and the band...why, are you getting one?...I thought you were opposed to all that kind of stuff.."  Yeah, I am, or was, I did the math on that opinion leaving out what HE thought about it and now am radically recalculating that too -  and I've always thought your ring was so pretty to be honest - like sweet."I haven't gotten the other one yet, after some years I don't know, there's a companion diamond band thing."  Does the effort-intensity of the years count or just the number?  "Right?!"  hahahahahah, dude I think you might want to hint to Jim that the effort clock is probably up on it by now. She smiled really big, first time in a long time that I've seen her really smile, "The companion would match that wrap - see it?"  Yup, that's what I always liked about it, looks kind of like petals.  "It's a happy memory for sure, and comforting to look at now when things are a lot harder," (she says shakily).

Sigh.  Want to hear a naughty haiku?  "Totally!"