The planetary alignment may create a situation in which you find yourself confused as to which lover you would prefer to be with Virgo. Many would call this a wonderful dilemma, but because you have such a strong sense of loyalty, you find it hard to cope with this problem. The answer to this may not be resolved in one day, but you can begin by asking yourself what you really want in a relationship.

I am not confused, but I am still processing, feeling stuff.....

Aaron switched to ICU nights as of last night. Awake for 24 hours, he tends a woman with end organ failure all night long, 42 years old and determined to die, bleeding from everywhere inside herself, shitting blood endlessly like a river of life-into-death. I know nursing is historically a female occupation, but I can’t personally fathom that. Men have such stronger stomachs. He and FPH both have infinitely more patience than I do as well…And I can’t help these uncanny moments of seeing similarities between them. Paralax is the distance between your eyes. Look at something with one eye, then close it and look with the other, and you’ll see that it seems to shift the object left to right. The object is not really shifting, you are measuring its distance from yourself using the distance between your two eyes as a kind of visual sound-bounce, your eyesight literally a think that you are throwing against that object and bouncing it back to imprint on the retina of your other eye. Something similar happens sometimes when I look at Aaron and he reminds me of John and I know that actually I am looking at myself and measuring my distance from the perspective of them-both. I bring in a lamp, put it next to the bed, change the sheets and clean everything up, do laundry and put it away, fresh fluffy socks, and I lay out a local police blotter (omg so boring, but he likes it), the Dick’s ad (I just knew) and Science Illustrated (he loves facts, most of which are way more interesting than useful). Funny shit on youtube. He does not tell me not to do these things. That is a big difference (distance) between my sense of him and any other man I’ve known up close. He neither expects that I will do for him nor does he abjure it. He is neither a tyrant nor a phobe. He simply likes the Dick’s ad. He is thrilled that I’d just know that. He is looking forward to chicken and dumplings later, a lot. He says “you take such gooooood care of me”, and he is pleased. Not gratified as if OF COURSE I would, nor freaked out as if BESET by it. He just….goes to sleep. It is garbage day. I make room in the freezer. I throw out soups I had made which have since gotten freezer burn. For a split second, it feels as if someone has reached through wall of my stomach up under my rib cage to grab my heart in a fist and squeeze as the neglect-wrecked soups hit the garbage can. I "want in a relationship" not to have to hit the garbage can, wasted.

bill withers - use me