I hid all day yesterday, hung out in my future back yard weeding what will be the garden, while the first open house took place here. 60 viewers came through Big Mama Red - that’s apx 100 people, since most people do the real estate thing in pairs. The air in here feels quivery. And the woman who sold me the place showed up too (yes, she drove from Connecticut for the open house), threatening to buy it back if I was gonna be like that and wanting into the downstairs to see what I‘d done to it (only my apartment is open to general viewing - you gotta make a private appt to see the rest). The agent had to practically body block her, three times. OJ is completely freaked by her, and the agent thinks she’s insane - nope, just Greek. They have their own logic about attachment and that’s that. I’m glad she turned up - I think it’ll help Big Mama find her next true owners, kinda protect her from people who’ll mistake her for a building rather than a home. All over my apartment are little white crayon X’s that you’d hardly notice unless I pointed them out - they’re from Ears, who marked everything he loved here when he was about 3 years old. Every door has a little X somewhere on it. That’s not the kind of thing you can let go of lightly. I’ve been over it many times, weighing it all, and always come to the conclusion that this is a worthy risk. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like my eyeballs are being ripped outa my head through my intestines sometimes. When Angeliki sold this place to me, it was TO ME, with elaborate instructions I had to follow about what to do and not to do and change and not to change, including forwarding mail to her nephew for 3 years for instance. So in a way, she didn’t really let it go, she just delegated its care to me. I can feel her somewhere right now, staying with other friends in the city and fuming and feeling it: I will never be able to go back there, no friend will be there who would let me in, who would let me come back and take more flowers out of the garden . . . . I feel it too. There is nobody to be in conflict with over it, there is just CHANGE as the foe.

My number has changed. I hope she just comes back again.

[Why can’t a Buddhist vacuum under the sofa? Because she has no attachments. (And I am no good Buddhist - HA, understatement.)]

for virgo today: Although you are quite shy in romantic matters there are a number of positive influences that mean that now is the time to grasp the nettle and let that special someone know exactly how you feel. You may well be surprised at just how positive they are in their response!

Welp, there are half dozen more showings today, with a union meeting in the middle. >:/ Sigh. Guess I'll get outa bed and face the day . . .