v.2, a little too good

I look relatively okay in NY, but in WI I'm drop dead gorgeous. Not in the cities and pretty summer tourist areas, but underneath that in the boondocks of real WI (i.e. rural America), I get looked at like people look at ya in China, like you have 2 heads. No, whatever, seriously. I always forget the POSITIVELY PONDEROUS factor here. I'm not talking about balancing tits/no-tits in the management of healthy pudge, which I'm usually falling on the wrong side of anyway, I'm not talking you got an Apple Bottom, I'm not even talking morbidly obese, I'm talking HUMUNGO (and not uncommonly you need some more teeth). I'm talking about on a regular basis, folks expect ya to take up two chairs at the diner. The pink shorts you're wearing are a Yugo. Etc. We're all a result of genes and health habits, and so in middle America that means your shit sticks to shit and pretty soon you just look like Utter Shit. What I saw at the Asian take-out place down the street from my dad's really should not be repeated, like veeeeery bad words. At home, I get the "these are your kids? you look too young to have kids" bla bla every few weeks, but from the Eggroll at the Home Depot sending out feeler. Here it is every time I go anywhere and from women mostly, who are AGOG. My friend D. says she gets that so much here going around w her kids, that if it doesn't happen for a whole day there's something wrong. Meanwhile, oddly, every third guy is seriously scrawny and pale and wearing black jeans and hiking boots (it's, um, June) and a mullet, like detritus from the Def Leopard Planet. Being a show stopper is fun at first, but for someone whose petals close at hello it's gonna get nerve wracking fast, and besides, when I die don't want St. Peter booking me for Pride. If you go down for Pride, then your neighborhood in hell is full of Republicans wearing "My God is Right One" t-shirts and John Tesch reading emails that kiss his own ass is piped in 24/7. I don't know what is happening over in the Lust hell-hood, but it's gotta be more exciting, just logically speaking. After a week here, my ass will still be relatively small but my head will be so big I'll barely be able to get it in the van to get myself back to Reality.