Does anyone have any clue what a white blood count even is, let alone what it means when it doubles in a week? Cuz I sure don’t. How many different ways do I have to discover that I am futile and stupid this year? Who took a piss in my karma pool? I love this part though:

So, how does that . . . I mean, what does that mean?, I ask,—Like, in time (left)?
Well, says Mom, he asked that and they told him that the average time for this type of leukemia is 10 years.
(pause)
The average height of an American woman is about 5’6” I think—clearly that doesn’t apply to me.
Riiiiiiight.
Riiiiiiight.
(pause)
What are you doing about it, anything?
Saturday it’s supposed to be lovely, she says, so we’re hoping he feels well enough to go kayaking.
(pause) (lol) (lolweepy)
Word to the wise: When in Doubt, Kayak!
Well what are you going to do? Have fun, as much as you can, that’s all there is.
Fair enough.
You should try it, she says snippily.
O please don’t start in on the liberated woman hear me roar shit.
You need to SEE DIFFERENTLY, just DECIDE TO, you’re SMART and are a [BLEEP] and have a GREAT ASS—It’s a SMORGASBOARD for you to pick from if you just DECIDE.
(pause) (lol)
Mom, ya know how you can just DECIDE that Jesus is real?
(lol.shecan’thelpherself.lol) (lol)
Stop, He IS real.
Riiiiiiiight.

The Tragically Hip – She Didn’t Know