Welp. Dball threw up all over to wake me up, I stepped in it and went pukesledding before coffee. Back to baseline. Slapstick ✅️. 

I slept really well. #leadwithspoon

I haven't opened my laptop yet, if I am super lucky the meeting about "the future" has been moved online, but I doubt it (they're mean) and either way I will need to bring the party. It seems counterintuitive, I lost the most by far ('cept Patti), but that's why - if I can laugh it off, they're allowed some hope. And they realllly need that.

It is AWESOME to get rejected, told in a million ways that you are not worth it, that you have served your purpose and can die now (Patti ACTUALLY DID), then to be forced to go to mandatory meetings about "the future" - it's like getting very *elaborately* broken up with, again and again. Firing fridays, no real court Fridays, god only knows who is making money on all this shite, it's a fucking plague of interpersonal violence everywhere I look. And I, of course, was in charge of shooting bullshit in the face for forever, so broken or not, today HOPE is MY job. And I'ma gonna do it. Cz there is a more important much longer game here than any one era of losses. We are in fact likely to know each other and care about each other until we die, so if today sucks balls (not in a good way), we hold hands and laugh it off and get to tomorrow somehow. 

I think I'll stop for bakery cookies, try that bakery up the street. 

And tell them some version of what I keep saying every time I have the heart and stomach to do so: We are still here. Miraculously in this terrible world. You and I, we are still here, still standing, nobody can take all we each have become (everything from authors to parents to teachers of the year, but primarily survivors). And I personally think we got better looking too! Look around!! (they will kind of 🤭🫠🤦🏻‍♀️ at my inappropriateness - our senior faculty told us midmeeting to think about being fuckable, jeezus - but it'll work 🤞) By the time I gotta run, they will have forgotten that all hope abandons and will be talking in wildly unrealistic ways about all the future might hold (fantasizing). And it might! (Unless you're dead.)

Then I am out cz not trusting the "flu", I got blood drawn and was correct. Time for the big hurty needles of B this and D that, my body burning it all faster than it can absorb enough from horse vitamins. That's at 2, meeting at 1, students 10-12, can't really do yoga after shots same day 💫 sooo

welp, let's get to 3 pm then maybe all I'll have left in me is a nap, but that'd be enough 🙏

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Playfulness happens when there is room for it. If a person can be playful, even when the situation is serious, it's because their psyche is expansive, their emotional range as wide as a field. This is who you are today.

That is who I try to be every day. I just fail 😭 sometimes.

just-in-case Mary burned all night 

a million reasons - lady gaga