Why do I feel it? 

I am not not his ex. He only says that when he's sober (out of his mind).

We will sort out whatever I am later. A witch, for now, is accurate.

The reason I feel him 24/7 is because he is dying. And I very selfishly cannot take that happening. Just no. Hard no.

hard no

I would get the flabby heart thing over it. For sure. So, I feel it all of the time, bc it's the threat of heart failure (mine). Lighting candles, I think it's just not enough. 

I keep piling on aminals, but I'm what's purring 

I keep trying not to think about him, not to text him, not to want him especially (poor thing is half dead), not to go virgo on him / this can of worms and be a mile up his ass like 'how's therapy' and other bossybessy urges to nurse him. I try to just be the thing that is. And be good.