My kids. They're so young yet now all adults, navigating the shit I tried to and failed quite, through teenage pregnancy through lesbian communes through multiple failed pledges to love forever..well, that last one I probably did do, but found out loving someone forever doesn't even mean you'll ever see them again, and that was before a pandemic to factor in. The world keeps spinning, clearly hopelessly awobble.

I am awake at janitor hours still. Approaching shift change. Giving report.

I am online shopping and arranging my mother's visit. As in any July. I wrote in my journal last year that I would never bring anyone to my hideaway in the mountains again. The owners don't even rent it anymore except to me, for pity's sake, a widow and all. But the only way to get my mother to me is through Nebraska.

I tried this with FPH, what Nebraska does with me. Dog loyalty, "being there", I get underwear in the mail. None of it worked. Or did it? It's hard to say anymore who wound up really meaning anything to anybody. Who would you risk kissing/hugging? Is that the measure? (insert mental experiment here)

"all is but an intermission, of small and tender consequence", Patti Smith

How did they do this?🤔