my next writing project

Working title: "20 is the new 2: Putting kids through college while they continue to disrupt your sleep, force you to watch shit tv shows, cramp your sex life, give you the flu, refuse to eat their dinners, stink up your bathroom, barf regularly, and every other thing you imagined one day being free of (while you were still young enough to enjoy it)."

Table of contents (draft):

"What's for dinner?" - and other things they ALWAYS say when they're NOT SPEAKING TO YOU

"THEY - same pain in the ass in every gender"

"I broke my phone", classic texts after ignoring your texts for days

"I might have fucked up", classic texts before ignoring your texts for days

"Dad is okay with it", invoking the parent who doesn't have to live with their shit

"Stealing your pot and other no win situations"

"Stealing your vibrator batteries for the Xbox controller and other no win situations"

"We're out of beer", unhelpful texts from your yet-to-turn-21 little darling, as you drive home from long days at work

"Careful or you'll end up in my novel" and other passive aggressive highlights from their t-shirt collections

"Ok boomer" and other nonsensical insults at Gen-X parents

"I'm going to be a lawyer" and other expensive-tuition live-at-home-forever threats (bonus annoyance points if from your C-student)

"Meet my boygirltheyfriend, with whom I just broke up in the driveway, Merry Christmas"

"You're lucky I'm not a teenaged parent LIKE YOU WERE", and other charming rhetorical strategies

"You're turning into grandma",
 - shit they say when they want to force you to turn the radio from NPR to CumTown in the car

"We're out of toilet paper" - shit they say all the time that proves they literally couldn't wipe their own ass without you, and other ironies