Thursday, July 28, 2016

the memorial is today

I looked at a man-boy that way twice in my life.  Once then, when I was 15 years old.  And then after many years of pain and anger and lonely struggle, I looked again and wrapped a cord worth two lives around myself for him, hoping it would stick this time and my heart would hold together.  It didn't again, of course.

Mark would understand that.  Did understand it.  There was a woman after me, many years of pain and anger and lonely struggle later for him too.  Her name was Evelyn.  She loved him, and he surely loved her.  But she was erratic, troubled, selfish, left him a time or two, came back, then abandoned him finally and he died alone.  One of the last things he said, and I believe he said it to me who would understand it because he said it to my mother because I couldn't be there (wasn't there, chose not to upset Aaron by going), was, "Don't let them say anything bad about Evelyn." Those last words he spoke about Evelyn say nothing about her at all; they say everything you'd want to know about Mark.

Now two of the four people in that photo, he and by beloved grandmother, are dead.  And I'm next.

r.i.p.