"Inspiring faculty" reads the strategic plan. Someone asks the Planning Douche, what does that mean? He begins to explain inspiration, that "feeling to be more...do great things". Headtilts, like confused dogs, across the room. Someone else asks, "But who is inspiring what specifically?" This goes on for a long tedious set of minutes, maybe just 5, feels like 30. Asshole math chair is behind me talking on her cell phone, Dean is pouting in the corner, we are in charge of people's lives who will borrow thousands to learn from us.  I raise my hand. Planning Douche looks relieved, like I'm going to explain inspiration. "That's a present participle, Ken. It suggests that faculty will be inspired TO something. You don't mean that." Blank stare. "You don't want us to be inspired. You want us to be inspirational. Right?" Yes!! Then say inspirational?, someone suggests in a questioning helpful tone. "That's just semantics," he says. Okay. (What's semantics?, someone whispers to me. "It means fuck you.")