A couple of years ago I printed the contents of this blog out and at that time it was about 3 reams of papers worth. Why do I write all this crap? I don't look back at it ever. I remember some stuff, like trying on ugly shit at am vets just for a hoot or whatever, and I have no idea if I wrote those things down at the time, and there's no relation between what I remember and what's in all the records of various kinds. I remember the day my hamster died because I remember it, not because I wrote about it my 5th grade diary, which only my mother has ever reread (eyeroll). I don't remember ever going to the bon ton for anything nor imaginatively castrating certain persons though I kept a pointless record of having done both apparently (shrug). I guess at the time I write, I do so just to process, a kind of thinking out loud as if in conversation with someone, like talking to a friend on the phone: "Girlfriend, why do I keep old records of my inner garbage? Well I don't know, why do I keep jeans that don't fit anymore? I know right, that's stupid, we should throw all this flotsam away, divest ourselves of our former first person singulars. OK let's do that and while we're at it let's drop the first person for a while altogether because I've been thinking about it and ya know how other people don't write down what they're thinking and doing all the time? Yea. Well like so nobody knows what they're thinking but them which if you think about it is amazingly free. True, in that case if they say shit like 'I did such-n-such for some awesome enlightened generous reason', nobody can pull out an old journal and be like o no you didn't and prove you were thinking like an asshole right? Yea exactly, if you're not carving a tablet as you go you can forget about it or revise the whole story in retrospect. Right and also, think of Ears he never writes down what he's thinking and doesn't say either which is like his own private island of inaccessible selfhood. Yeah man, I've always wanted my own island. Totally! On my own island I could get a weave and buy a glitter dress then later be like o no I didn't if I felt like it, like if it turns out St Peter disapproves of whitegirl weaves then I can be like 'what weave?' Lol, right, a journal is like a dead body, better not to have one lying around at all and if you do then you should at least burn that shit. Lol, YA. And lets face it, you're not Anne Frank recording significant history, you're just horny and/or hateful on paper mostly. True that. The glitter dress is bangin, by the way. Thanks. But however many years from now it might probably look like your 80s pennyloafers would look to you now. Exactly, I'm going to rock it then FORGET IT. Good idea, don't be blogging a picture of that shit. Lol. Seriously, and try third person writing or not at all, go back to just posting music links that may or may not be referential. Right, and then nobody will play the music in either case. Right, of course. And the third person character who may or may not pretend castrate whomever and/or who thinks about pointless stupid shit all the time AIN'T THE WRITER. Right. Post fucking quotes without explaining why. Lol, right right..."

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~E.L. Doctorow



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