lou barlow - faith in your heartbeat
Tragically Hip - The Last Recluse

VIRGO, Newsflash from the future: You are going to get the thing you most want, but you will have to sacrifice something to get it. The magnitude of your payoff exists in direct proportion to what you're willing to give for it. [bring it on]

pissy listserving ft. water droplets

I'm lightly fascinated at this point with everyone being fascinated with curling - I assumed, like me, people would flip on the tube, see it was curling, and turn it back off until the hockey hour or whatever, not think 'woo hoo, it's curling!' I'm trying to imagine what kind of mood is the one where you wanna watch curling, and the first thing that comes to mind is "mood I'd be in while sitting still for kidney dialysis" . . .

update: The Upside of Depression. interesting.
ft. this, which brings me back to the subject of worry. cz if you're on an island and a wave is moving at you at 600 mph, the 'evacuation inland' is maybe marginally a rational response, bc, ya know, it's an ISLAND, so there's no place to run really is there? seems like some kinda heavy handed metaphor for life, doesn't it? if that were me, waiting for the wave of doom to hit or not hit, I'd like to think I'd make love not worry, but I would probably worry. so maybe there's no difference between Worry and Not-Worry, but there might be a difference between Love and Worry after all.

aa bondy - when the devil's loose

seriously? it's cuz ya can totally do it as a fat-ass, that's why.

a piano fell on someone I don't know, yay

Pat Wictor: Death Letter (Son House)

I know I’m dying, ie that I’m mortal. Sometimes my left tit hurts or something and I feel fear, I think about the Dying-fact, my mortality breathes down the back of my neck. If someone were to tell me I had cancer, I’d feel terror.

My friend is someplace between fear and terror. I can feel it.

This is a friend we’re talking about, an extremely dear one but not a boyfriend or a lover or a husband or anything. He has a wife. Presumably she knows which end of that spectrum he’s at right now, if it’s still just fear or if it’s officially terror. I do not know where he is. Oddly, even before he felt any fear, I felt fear all the time about him, for almost a year now, since I emailed him one day on a hunch and asked if he was having any trouble breathing.

[Unless they’re something Significant to you, men don’t have to tell you when it’s time to worry and how much. They don’t keep blogs, literally or metaphorically. You can’t even trust them to tell you when there’s nothing to worry about, cz they always say that. You’re never going to know if Death is breathing down the back of his neck, so you worry about it ALL THE TIME to one degree or another, until you start to wonder if you should break up with him but he’s not your damn boyfriend. If I had ever been Anything to fph, then if there were something to worry about he’d have had to mention it, that’s what I really wanted, so I could just think, when he’d disappeared and depending on my mood, either “he’s an asshole” or “aw, isn’t that cute, he’s building someone a deck”. I could stop losing sleep.]

Since I don’t know if Scarecrow is at terror yet, I am terrified just to be on the safe side. I’m breathing calmly into the middle distance above my bed, sleepless and composed, coolly terrified. It’s sinking in. I am afraid that long before he’d ever be dead, he’ll ‘go dead’ cz after all he’s not obligated to call me, so I won’t know if he’s terrified or not. And then to be on the safe side, I’m going to be continually terrified like I am right now. There’s no way around it unless I stop giving a shit, and I have zero desire to un-Love people so that’s out. If he’s fine, I’ll get a reprieve, but we’re all dying. . . .

[ha. I’m not the girlfriend, I’m the Terrified.]

DmS tells me that there is no sense in worrying about anything, worrying doesn’t change anything, and besides even if someone were to die it wouldn’t matter much since I’d keep living. I suppose to the degree that you could call worry a ’thought’ and not a nauseous feeling, I can see her point. If I were to have a friend die, well that hardly changes anything indeed since technically speaking we’re all dying all the time, we’re walking rotting corpses (have you smelled your own breath lately?). But. Worry and Wisdom and Resignation - whatever, it’s all the same, it’s what the mind can do with what is real, which is HOW YOU FEEL. If you weren’t frightened, your mind wouldn’t need a coping mechanism. If you weren’t breathing, fright could not take the form of gasping. So, in effect, your mind and your body exist wrapped around your EMOTIONS, your mind to give them form in concepts and your body to carry them around and give them sensation. That’s what they mean by only the Spirit is real, which I feel is true. If I could get my mind and body out of the way altogether, maybe I could see with my Spirit the only real thing, that shining eternal light, in others - but, as I often have to concede, I am not Jesus Christ. And so, I Worry. If I could Not-Worry instead, I do not believe there would be any essential difference in that.

Clem Snide - Heat of the moment (Asia)

(p.s. note I'm not gloating about the hockey thing. I get gracious points for that.)

I am busy Summoning.

listening to: Donna Beasley “Love My Way” (Psychedelic Furs) repost

[curling is a retarded sport]

Jason McNiff - Tomorrow never knows (The Beatles)

The Rural Alberta Advantage - Eye of the Tiger (survivor)

manchester orchestra - brother

[I hate these embedded players - they, like most things I hate, impede me]

[update: but not for long: meiko - all of me (sinatra)]

Holly McNarland - Coward

regina spektar - laughing with

Jolie Holland - Old-fashioned Morphine

Metric – Help I’m Alive (Acoustic)

VIRGO, Though you wish you could be invulnerable to emotional pain, the fact is that if you weren't capable of being hurt, you wouldn't be capable of feeling the soaring happiness you've experienced, either. [interesting theory]

the boys are playing gamebox star wars - they turn down the volume and add their own sound effects, "la le la laaaaaaaaa la - la le la laaaaaaa la - la la la laaaaahhhhhh", as I listen from my warm bed, reading my horoscopes

VIRGO, Chuck the baggage. You might be thinking that you just did this a month ago, but this is a recurring part of the process. You keep adding to your life, so in order to stay balanced, you need to keep subtracting, too.

paul weller from the floorboards up shaking it off

listening to iron n wine - innocent bones

ibid - stolen houses die

iron and wine - rattling bone

Happy Valentine Daze, Virgo! I meditated on what message might best energize your love life, and what I came up with is a declaration by author Mignon McLaughlin: "Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before." In other words, the love you should be most interested in during the coming months is the kind that opens your eyes to sights that were previously invisible and that creates new possibilities you've barely imagined.

Greyboy All-Stars & The Living Sisters: How Glad I Am

this gives me paws

Florence & The Machine - Hardest Of Hearts - if you didn't clk that robert palmer 'addicted to love' cover from the other day, go do it now

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: Your attention to detail makes you a thoughtful and romantic sweetheart. TAURUS: Though you like learning from different types of people, you feel the best around someone who is very much like you. GEMINI: Your courteous, professional demeanor makes you attractive to one who appreciates class. CANCER: You'll be smart about who you let into your world, and you'll sense when the timing is not right, too. LEO: You do things without being asked, and this means a lot to a loved one. VIRGO: Be open to meeting new people and a friend will make a fascinating introduction for you. LIBRA: You like to keep things fresh. You'll take initiative to show someone you care, especially if the relationship is well established. SCORPIO: You'll like how you feel about yourself when you're around a Capricorn. SAGITTARIUS: You'll work hard to look and feel your very best. CAPRICORN: Romance is catching. A friend in love will influence you. AQUARIUS: You are likely to underestimate your own attractiveness. Someone is very "into" you. PISCES: You'll get what you want easily because you don't demand it. People feel generous and unpressured around you.

VIRGO, People put so much trust in you that they are likely to ask you to do things that are difficult and inconvenient, if not impossible. It's like they think you're a superhero. And maybe you are.

Nickel Creek: When You Come Back Down

ass scratchin morning w/ fph playlist

The Softies "Together Forever" (Rick Astley)
Or, The Whale- Toxic (Britney Spears)
Steve Acho – Rio (Duran Duran) a dead ringer for lmg's voice, btw
The Diamond Family Archive - She's Always a Woman (billy joel) "A song that puts the “z” in “cheeze,” “She’s Always a Woman” gets a surprisingly sensitive treatment from these banjo-and-mandolin folkies. And listening to that voice, you’ll want to be the woman he’s singing about. " - review from CoverMe
dave mangan - there is a light that never goes out (the smiths)
the eels - can't help falling in love (elvis)
The Watson Twins - Just Like Heaven (The Cure) slows it down low
Kat Edmonson - Just Like Heaven (The Cure) another bossa nova inspired cover
Laura Cortese: Just Like Heaven (The Cure) fiddle/banjo mojo
Jeffrey Foucault: That’s The Way The World Goes ‘Round (John Prine)
califone - for the turnstiles (neil diamond)
Glen Phillips: I Want a New Drug (Huey Lewis and the News) repost
Joshua James: Losing My Religion (REM) achey repost
Joshua Radin: Girlfriend in a Coma (The Smiths)
Kathryn Williams "All Apologies" (Nirvana) - I like the distressed violins addition
forence + the machine - addicted to love (robert palmer)

cruel fate

Eldissa “Staying Alive” (Bee Gees) this is a great cover, kinda bosa nova meets tlc

I've got 5 voiccemails backlogged in my phone, too blah to care enough to even listen ....

The Bobs “Disco Inferno” (The Trammps) wow. a cappella seems to defy gravity. high rec

ryan adams - desire

update: FPH just happened to have this caption up his sleeve

on the one hand, my maxed out class appears to be riveted. a bunch of them have recording devices (!) - I'm flattered but jesus christ if I end up on youtube I'm gonna blow my brains out. plus there's a high psycho factor. one of these dudes is sure up in my office-hours business, which is giving me the stalker-priest willies just a little.

speaking of psycho factors, so I've taken to handing food out to my small town friends, as previously mentioned. LMG has been one recipients since he had typhoid or whatever, which has gotten to be kinda fun, I'd include stuff like Airborne (which he popped into his mouth without water once before reading the directions), but it's been feeling iffy too cz the dude gets pussy thrown at his head nearly nonstop and I really like him but I don't wanna get in line for that. one woman cut his face off the posters for his band so often that they had to get new posters, ya know what I'm saying? that context makes just about any overture, even girlscout cookies, feel iffy. so there's this one woman who is in there every week right before our lesson time who sticks her ass in the air at him and bugs the crap outa him with the elaborately casual check writing that takes 15 mintues etc, and yesterday she'd brought in cookies "to compete". o for christ sake, I try to make friends and instead I start a god damn psycho milf buffet movement. my karma vis a vis men is seriously murky. its murkiness seems to pervade >:(

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: Forgive yourself first, and you'll easily gain the forgiveness you seek from someone else. TAURUS: Someone who has taken a ride on the roller coaster of love will be able to appreciate your impressive emotional evenness. GEMINI: A trendy restaurant or activity will inject a tired relationship with a big dose of excitement. CANCER: For a relationship to work, you'll need to overlook a few of your minor grievances. LEO: The solution to a lifestyle problem will bring you closer to your loved ones, as well. VIRGO: Non Applicable. LIBRA: You make better choices when a certain someone is there to encourage and support you. SCORPIO: Flirty fun is in store, and you'll come across as bold and adventuresome. SAGITTARIUS: You'll grow in confidence as the weekend progresses. Keep talking yourself up. CAPRICORN: To stay close with your nearest and dearest, you may have to draw boundaries to keep outsiders from infringing. AQUARIUS: Don't get so swept up in nurturing someone else that you forget to take care of yourself. PISCES: Like hot chicken broth on a bitterly cold day, the love you feel in your heart warms you from head to toe.

no song, I'm grumpy

made my infamous key lime pie (highend soft food) for one of my friends who got rear-ended at full speed on the 190 while she was stalled on the shoulder (she was on her way to yoga) - ever milk a key lime? they're as big as gumball machine bouncy balls and about as hard, you gotta milk a couple dozen to get a pie out of the deal, which is why everyone else's key lime pie sucks cz they use some nasty limejuice substitute. not me though, I make virgo pies god damn it, the real deal or no deal at all. so I make a big one if I'm gonna do it, passing it out to all the sick and injured and assholics who are close to my heart. at about 11 p.m., after workdays are done and all kids are in bed, text msg's start coming in, "fucking awesome pie!"

I'm circling the bowl and noboody who could help can, and nobody who can help would playlist:

Kelley Ryan: Lost Cause (Beck)

D'Angelo - Devil's Pie (Raw) high rec

Charlotte Gainsbourg - Heaven Can Wait (Grizzly Bear Mix)

I could stew that little bastard in some wine all day - it'd make better use out of him than watching his stupid gofer ass dive into that hole every god damn year, eh?
update: more good news, a side salad for next to your gofer stew