I like reading Esquire in waiting rooms (and ripping bits out):
"That's what I was talkin' about with Susan [wife] last night, and we just wound up having one of those talks where we talked about what we're scared of, about how we're really feeling, about every little fuckin' thing where we felt we weren't listening to each other--and we're just fuckin' weeping together outta left field because we hadn't had enough contact. Contact isn't 'I fuckin' see you in the morning and at night and we talk during the day.' That's just fucking proximity. What's the Cosa Nostra element? What do we share that you can't get from anyone else but me? And to be that vulnerable, for her to say, 'Nobody sees me like this,' and for me to admit, not 'I wouldn't be okay without you,' --that's huge.
"And the funny thing was--seconds and inches, dude--I swear to God, we woke up this morning, and again she was the hottest fuckin' chick I ever saw. It was just like the first time I took her hand in the cigar bar in Montreal, 'cuz she had a headache, and I had to get my hands on her anyway, and I was like squeezing her between the thumb and the forefinger, goin' like, Man, she's got really long hands for a girl who's not very tall--it reminds me of an Egyptian cartouche. Guys say, 'Did she really like me?' but I'm thinkin' about the fuckin' hand-to-arm ratio--wow."
[lol]
"Dude, I don't mean to be too basal, but I always think about, maybe it'll make my dick seem bigger if they have little hands and they're wrappin' 'em around, but I might also feel like I'm gettin' a hand job from a fuckin' mouse, which, worse things could happen, but I'd rather get a hand job from a squid than a mouse. Which is the essence of what I'm trying to say today."
--from "May God Bless and Keep Robert Downey Jr." (interviewee speaking)
robert downey jr. is the new jessica alba
[bonus: the sex advice section - the only upside to spending all day yesterday in a Dodge dealership service area with CNN blaring and two sets of very pissy old people tsk tsking the entire time about what the world is coming to, then going quiet when Ted Kennedy's brain tumor came to the rescue to shut them up]
