A couple of years ago, my inner 3-yr-old and I watched out the window as 4000 trees lost all their branches, one onto my minivan, under pounds of falling ice. Last night it got down into the low 30’s, the apple blossoms getting blighted. I’m half expecting the first tornado in 60? yrs to touch down by Friday, while an undersized little girl hugs her scabby knees to her chest in the cold of my head, wa-wa-ing that nobody loves her. I hope she doesn’t eat (all the Earth’s) worms.

Meanwhile, I’ve been making out with my house. I repainted the dining room, which is now “Spring Whisper” with bright white trim, and the once-black room (a clear feng shui problem [duh]) is now “Leather Clogs”, a nice sturdy golden brown with some funky 70’s drapes that I inherited from OJ as she divests her apartment of all traces of Dan (who is due home Saturday, btw). Then I braved the freezing rain to fill rooms with flowers. I looooove lilacs. The old-fashioned blue ones, the deep purples. And a big bunch of yellow tulips in the kitchen. I sent in my registration for the garden show after the community association taped a 3rd invitation to my door. My blurb reads, “You’ll be semi-welcome here.” I figure that’s fair.

And I went to M’s to drink wine as her Romanian moved in, which was good. Good gossip: one of my other co-workers (the one who spoke French at FPH for a whole semester, mistaking the nature of his furry ethnicity) gets stock portfolios emailed to her before she goes on a first date. The Romanian says to this story, “Honeywell!? Go fuck yourself!” and I laughed my head off. Then we went to a retirement party for a woman I’ve worked with for forever, who (as far as I knew) had been married twice and had two kids (one from each). But, lo, turns out she’s been married 6 times and is now retiring to marry again and move away with her new husband. Two marriages is embarrassing, but 6 is performance art, no? I ate chicken wings with her and Dicknun, thinking “Welp, at least this is completely weird, that counts for something.”

Neil Diamond has a new cd out. I like “No Words”