I read a book once that started with the heroine getting run over by a car. As she faded, she realized the she loved her life, a life she had just been cursing out as she crossed the street. She wanted it, after all.

I don't remember what book it was. But I remember that part of it. I think of it nearly every day. (I might have blogged about it before in another dark time)

I love my life. Remember that, I tell myself. As I feel  fuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckfuckfuckthissucksfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisbullshitfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitkissmyfatassfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammititfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammititfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammititfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammititfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammititfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfedupgoddammitfuckthisfed

T bone is still amazingly alive despite all efforts to kill himself by swagger and 360 degree resistence to every body. I know he's suffering, alone, thinking probably something like "I love my life / fancy like"

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