Wednesday, April 30, 2008




Agapē (ἀγάπη agápē) means "love" in modern day Greek. In Ancient Greek it often refers to a general affection or concern, rather than the physical attraction suggested by "eros"; agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. . . . The word "agape" is not always used in the New Testament in a positive sense. The Apostle Paul writes,"For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world...." The word "loved" here is a form of the root word "agape".

Agape is differentiated from Eros, but I don’t see how Eros is differentiated from the feeling you’d have towards children, music, meals, (closest friends, sunlight, the pleasure of breathing, running). Then I read this and I thought, that’s it: Eros is not differentiatable from “loving this present world” and I am guilty of loving the present world.

Poke-a-Roo is here whenever OJ isn’t with me, seems like – very busy “penetrating and destabilizing social spaces” [oy Mr Gradschool - eyeroll]. I ran the latest installment by FPH (Poke had sex with the roommate of the woman he’s currently trying to sleep with, like cz she was the one who answered the door typa deal) and I ask, “Who’d fuck the roommate ya don’t even like?” and he says “You had babies with someone you didn’t like.”

Ouch. Sigh, true enough. In fact, earlier in the afternoon that day when we’d been out on the porch w/ Oj and Dan, and I was deeply enjoying the smell of us all in the hot sun (the present world!), my boys got off the school bus on the corner and I watched their little feet scamper around Opa’s car and watched Ears yammer away at him “um um um and then um um there was this guy/toy/whatever um um um” like he does and I felt perfectly utterly happy. I love looking at people that I care for. I was sitting with 3 and looking at 3 others and I was happy. So yes, certainly I have no defense especially in TJ’s case, whom I practically stole into existence because I’d grown to distrust X by that time so I figured “might was well get what I can out of this”, the way you’d steal copper pipes out of a condemned building. And I’m not even sorry besides. I don’t feel remotely downtrodden by the burden of so many offspring–they have been my opportunities for what I’d call “erogape”. I would have never gotten to the point of being able to care for adults if I hadn’t have gone through children to that ability. I could have never figured out how to even TRY to do a decent job of it (agape) nor felt the deep pleasure in it for its own sake (eros). Adults are dangerous, about which I just knew too much.

So I try to have patience bc I’ve been an asshole too, is what I’m saying.

Most of the time, I find OJ totally charming. I grew up in WI also, so I know she’s telling the truth that there she was not exactly ugly but definitely fell into the terminally tit-impaired category, and compensated by doing stuff like wearing a pound of make-up. It wasn’t until she got to NY that she realized she was good looking, and since that’s new it’s kind of all she can think about bc it’s a continual delightful shock to her. So she “fights consumerism” by putting on 3 or 4 different flattering/minimalist thrift store get-ups per day. I hear her down there (this is so cute), changing her outfits and I know she’s doing it bc she always changes the shoes too - it goes from clumpclumpclump to taptaptap as she tries them out, performing a task per (like reading a book in one outfit, then changing before she makes phone calls, etc. – that’s how she wound up married, I swear to God, for the DRESS). As soon as FPH rings the doorbell and starts playing with the dogs, she's sprouted a new outfit, a 70’s warp-around theme – I’m still in my work clothes and have to catch up hahahahah. If she had time, she'd change for the UPS delivery guy. It’s similar to watching TJ practice with his bokken, like - Hey Dude, watch it with the throwing twat around or you’ll break a lamp. lol

But Poke’s whole “destabilizing social spaces” bullshit comes down to this: marriage often inspires people to act like real assholes, so ignoring the rules of it is “revolutionary”. I know full well that marriage often sanctions people acting like total assholes. All Too Well. But that is a problem, not an opportunity to be an asshole, which would certainly defeat the purpose of the fucking revolution now wouldn’t it?




I have to find something about him that reminds me of a kindergartener . . .



Hey Poketard GradSchool, ever hear of homosociality?