VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Today favors learning through direct experience rather than theory. Ask better questions. Questions meant to confirm a position answer only that. Shift from "Is this right?" to "What's actually happening?"

What's actually happening? I am all👂s (really).

I expect a very quiet day. The girls have moved on in the daisychain of sleepovuhrs, after a day's delay, which turned out to be their fave day because the wallpaper ladies were magic to them. They swooped in and made walls look like Butterknife's vision in a day. My mom is on team wallpaper revival, big time. And I like things that have been made faithfully for 100+ years, old methods by authentic craft persons. The girls were mesmerized, and paid such close attention that maybe a career in walls was seeded. And then the lead one is a NURSE too, clearly of some kind of magic to me, which they're too young to fathom but picked up on every bit. They know that lately I go into hospitals a lot and people die like Tbone or don't die like their dad, and that I am afraid of only hospitals (far as they've ever known), and now turns out there are other hospital-able adults who face death AND transform walls (wth!!). I share their impressed with all of that, tbh. 

"wannabe bayou" is the paper's name, mom and Ears picked it

Now I am alone for the weekend, curled up in the warm quiet atm, the only sound is the dog snoring against my back. Trying to soak up all the "I can ok-corral!" energy that I put into all this. I will probably blabla a lot, like these words that will be unblogged in a min or two ...

I don't know if I have strength enough for what's coming in Boston. In all honesty, I really don't think I do. But I will have to fucking find it. It's gonna be as bloody as a gunfight, and I still don't know how to shoot a gun, and I won't have a shot of whiskey for my nerves. I'm gonna walk into it empty handed and alone. And I'm going to come out the other side, somekindahow, in order to keep someone else more important (to me) than me alive. Or I'ma die trying. There is no other choice. Not for me, anyway. Maybe loving very few people is God's way of protecting my heart from death by That.

songs tbd, I am gonna read some more about Neptune in the silence awhile

I like this "A relationship that causes you to continually override your own instincts and feelings is not sustainable. Work that offers you relief only when you sleep or dissociate is abusive. Stop asking, 'How can I do this with less strain?' and start asking, 'Why am I doing this at all?' Now is an editor with scissors: no crossing it out, just cuts."