Nebraska went missing shortly after midnight in New Orleans, on a trip with college buddies all named something like Jeff (Dave). I joked that everybody has to get hammered and do something regrettable with somebody named something like Jeff in NOLA. I wasn't really joking, more like slightly daring him, go on dude, do something unacceptable. One of the many weird things about Nebraska is the truth of him is obscured by his insistence that he be taken entirely at face value. He "loves G...", that's what everyone knows about him because he says that over and over and over and over. Being the object of that sentence, I can assure you he's just blowing smoke, a cloaking device in the form of words.

After 12:18, nobody could find him til late afternoon, when he turned up beaten and disoriented, doesn't remember anything and/but is "sorry". The apology compulsion. Instinctive camouflage and (notreally)apologies constantly. I do not judge it, everybody is crazy somehow, but I know it isn't benign. Lying all the time makes a person feel physically stressed and chronically shitty, like chewing your nails down to bloody necrosis risk levels. And I'll just let him do it, let him be whoever whatever however he says he is. 

I think about it all the time if I'm honest, my shortage of passion. I keenly feel my lack of feeling. 

I already know what I will say ("wow that's so crazy" "so glad you're alright" "you should try to enjoy the rest of your trip" "where are you going to have dinner?") I am very glad Nebraska is OK, I was quite worried when he was missing, but I won't press him on the bullshit story of it because I don't care to know his truth(s). 

19-2000-gorillaz (soulchild remix)

Update: Sure enough, the next text I get is about what he is having for lunch. Oysters and ginger beer.