who knew - you won't

VIRGO You'll be developing a better way of looking at your life and some more supportive self-talk to go along with that new view. What would you tell a friend to help them if they were your position?

"You are not worthless because no man cares for you. You have taken meanness carelessness hurtfulness self-centeredness in men as natural. They put the cigarettes of their damage out on you. So you're covered in burn marks, tracks down your back you've hidden under pretty colors. Do this: Turn your back on that shit."

Lumineers - Angela

Me: I just thought of something - what if we get shot?
Ears: shit why did you say that?
TJ: why would we?
Me: ya know, lonely nutcases, movie theaters, US gun laws - that is toxic combo on a holiday..
TJ: riiiight
Me: we could go right back home and rent something instead
TJ: I am down for that actually, especially if you will take a nap first cz I have a new steamcard burning a hole in my pocket right now
Me: O hell yea, I am always down for a nap. What are we gonna rent?
Ears: ya know what I haven't seen in a while...
TJ: COCK!
Ears: hahahahaha
Me: hahahaha me either
Us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TJ: just google it
Us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: stop! my mascara is running
Ears: I was gonna say a Tarantino movie
Us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BROS - Tell Me

VIRGO Making other people happy makes you happy. And then when they're not, you're not. And though you really can't control how other people feel, something about the equation will really work for you today. 

Experience suggests that it helps to start with good raw ingredients for the best outcomes. In pie making, in teaching, in home reno, everything.

In the case of making people happy, which is something that makes me very happy to do, it is vital to begin with people who can be happy. If that is possible, I can usually find a way to make it so. If not, the people are human men.

"There's a lot to be thankful for this season...unless you're a human woman." gigglegiggle

Yea um, what happened to men? I've never been molested but did y'all?? Cuz I have conferred with my ladies and it is the prevalent opinion than men are in two buckets mostly: 1 Bad and 2 Hopeless

Which strongly suggests 1 Abused or 2 Dropped on your heads or some shit

Then again, I have the relationship skill of a cactus, only skill is surviving on 1 Hostility or 2 Nothing, so guess I shouldn't talk as if I am above whatever happened. Maybe Cosby put something in all our pudding :/

Jasper loves my manicures

Fried and undersugared, I am

Vague very slight language thing, I wouldn't even say accent, more like a flavor. Idiot savant style knowledge (of roof materials in this instance). A brother and dad another couple 'like a brother' brothers own the business. He stands in the kitchen looking like he is surprised (and super nice but slightly annoyed) to be there once he has told me all that. I can't help it. I think: I like you. Not like he was hot kinda thing, just the particularity of that kind of odd is charming to me.

When he sends me the written estimate (which I accepted) (staying for the winter at least) (and I'm overcompensating for cheating on my house in my head), it has his name on it. Seriously? I had to ask. Greek via Ukraine, he is surprised I noticed, doesn't really remember, grew up here but in an immigrant family blabla.

What is that I like about slightly "off" people who are herdlings belonging to herds *that hate people like me*!? I am wayyy too modern mongrel to be anything but in the wrong. Like how Jasper gets crushed out on cats. I bet Tranwreck's mother prays thank you at every mass to the Polish Jesus that I am no longer in her reality.

Peter Rosenberg re hiphop, "I've always been drawn to loving things that require defense." I totally relate to that sentiment! And I am gonna guess hiphop does not admire you back much for your trouble.

I saw Toni Morrison tonight. 50 years to the day since MLK spoke on that same Klienhans stage..

If, would I want it? As usual I shied away from the question. Answer: Sort of. But I don't really. I like my life. But then again, it feels like it doesn't like me back as much. 

I always think about what it would be like to be haved and held by whatever it is. This is nice. If I took the job probably THEN all of a sudden I would get a much sweeter offer at home. That is the game.

I don't play games very well.

When he is between other women, Trainwreck always thought/thinks the world of me.

While I think that is absurd and frankly awful, to have and to keep shopping instead of to have and hold, I am noting the obvious parallel:

I am channeling the dating that others do (I should be doing?) into house shopping ft nesting instead. That is what I do. I house flirt.

I go out, fall in love for a minute with something new. Then I think about all the effort that anything new always is, I worry there are hidden downsides to the new one for which I will be unprepared (mine isn't perfect but it is KNOWN which I LIKE, I am just not a woohoo new dick/house kinda girl naturally). Then I decide to spend a little more effort on the house I have (paint usually, I like to paint and that doesn't require $$/skill just time/effort and I like chores so). Then I think: I like you after all, House. (I just wish you weren't such a long drive whatever that's bumming me out.)

Then I do suuuuper nerdy shit like look up my home equity and related credit scores lol. Like, looking in the mirror and thinking that I look sexier because my house (dick substitute) loves me.

dammit, I want a perfect 800, so I can win the 'Human Birkenstock Award'

The Hip - Blowing High Dough

More than meets the eye, not a hummingbird. A hummingbird MOTH. Like all moths, driven by pheromones, they fall in love across great difficult distances, flying hard enough to make that bzzbzz wing sound. You know them from hummingbirds by their antennae. And the males are slightly peachfuzzy.

good thing he's so cute cz he hurts like hell, def male

Me (driving too fast to tat from first realtor): Ok life lesson..
Ears: oooookay..?
Me: don't start a tattoo when you have pms
Ears: gigglegiggle - I love how you have SONS to give that to, don't get a tattoo during pms, got it
Me: no no, don't START a tattoo
Ears: hahahahahaha riiiight
Me: riiiiiiight cz now my dumb ass has to get a hummingbird filled in today for what feels like nooooo reason except to torture myself on a random Saturday hahahahahaha
Ears: hahahahahaha your midlife crises are hilarious
Me: right? at least there's that hahahahaha

How do you also sell a house and move and alllll that on top of alllll this already to manage? How did I do it last time?? I wanted the Greek. Desire tipped my scales. This house was both lovable in itself and at that man's feet. And that's how I summoned the oomph. I was fooling myself obviously, but it worked.

There ain't no pheromone pot of gold in Tonawanda to fool myself with. I would get the workbenches he is leaving behind in the basement that smells like sawdust, the quintessential mansmell, another ghost.

VIRGO There's no time to waste on hating the experiences that led you here. That will cause you to fall back. Instead, affirm: Here you are, shaped by what happened and also by what might happen. Fall forward.

Swiped yes today. New directors of teacher training undergrad and grad. That felt better than godfuckingno. Especially the undergrad one, I need to make sure they offer her a living wage (cheap Catholics) with her contract tomorrow. And I like that, being able to get people treated rightly when I can. Then a young man chased me down the street screaming about beauty and trying to start a flash mob but he only got one other guy in a truck to beep. Which was okay, not so much that it scared me, just a Buffalo thing. Buffalo is like that, grungy playful wackadoodle, pro urban farming and beauty and bike lanes.

I asked my tarot deck a question. It said no.

So, back to houses.

I have never had a tinder account or whatever it is the thing where you swipe left or right. But I know about it because everyone at work makes fun of me for doing it. Fall is interview season. I spend whole days saying 'nope'...'nope'....etc. Swipeswipenowayjose

If people were houses I would like more of them. Look at that sweet thing. Somebody built that kitchen (for her) with love in his heart (or pants, whichever finefine)