"Outercourse", a personal list: monogamy for starters (multitasking and sex don't go together well for me, sorry if that's too limiting for you); reasons to wear cute dresses/shoes/underwear, before taking them off, slowly or quickly-partially; doting in many small ways, odd little gifts and attentions, and I don't want to be made to feel like a dumbass doormat for bestowing them!; shared nerdiness, such as liking underused words like 'drivel'; laughing (giggling, guffawing, chuckling, snickering, cracking up); familiarity, like rereading books and rewatching movies, there are favorite parts and always some small thing you didn't catch the first time too; freedom, not to fuck other people (see item one) but to do what I want and need to do without my man's insecure nose up my ass every minute which is only going to make me suspect he can't be trusted (see item one again); secondary sex characteristics, for god's sake don't shave anything!; ...the rest of my list is private