I'm reading the Dalai Lama right now, The Art of Happiness, and after work and sitting on my porch I'm reading that and I'm thinking "yeah man, I am going to find inner peace and shit" and I feel kind of a zen glow of equilibrium is just right THERE and then I take the book and the kids to music lessons and, well, sometimes you and your kids and your van are sitting in a parking lot at 8 pm and the van is in a pool of gas bc it blew its fuel pump somethingsomething so says the tow guy whom you've seen already just a few weeks ago like you're starting to get CHUMMY with the tow guy from AAA who regrets to inform you that you've used up your towing miles after this and at that point I suppose since I don't melt down this inner peace stuff is sort of helping me out but, um, NOT MUCH cz I could really use a new car I'm afraid and it's not that I can't get one it's that I don't want one really I just want the one I have to stop breaking but it's not going to stop breaking and in that case I'd like some eggroll to deal with the whole car thing cz honestly I just really don't want to and feel too girly to give a shit about what a 1.8 engine thingy even is which brings to mind the whole eggroll presence impairment issue on top of the fact that the cat (OJ's cat) bit me and the dog (OJ's stupid fucking dog) pissed all over the kitchen again while meanwhile she hasn't paid the rent before she blew town and saddled me with her crackmother unwanted pets and her apartment smells like a Cosmic Piss took a piss in it and I kind of want to strap a grenade to the van and then stick OJ and the cat and the dog etc etc in it and so I get the feeling that I'm not going to reach Enlightenment anytime soon bc I'd have to pretty much slap the utter shit out of nearly everyone to make room for Enlightenment to show the hell up and not have to step over piss or around anyone's bullshit to get to me.