big pot of chives, a couple sprouting too soon and shivering. even chives have to learn everything the hard way ft. they'll be a'right / need a minute

 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). New locations open to you and you aim to go as a traveler and not a tourist, experiencing what is, not the front that's presented to newcomers in exchange for top dollar. Take the same approach to new relationships, and you're golden.

Welp, I am not going to baskin robbins, but I am going to the mall today for the first time in I dunno. Apparently, the food court is where you hold little girl birthday parties now if you are smart enough to avoid chucky fucking cheese (the hentavirus whatever). I am sure I have been in the mall since then, but my last clear memory isof  sending photos from the fredericks of hollywood dressing room. I'm gonna go a little early and check out what's still even in that place, but I am eating not one bit of food court food. So not sampling the bourbon chicken! Hell naw.

"Sunshine"

Tomorrow, Sunshine signed us up for a beginners belly dancing class 👀🙄

Yesterday I went to early yoga but found that it was the HOT vinyasa vs my usual. I am hurting in muscles I didn't know I had right now, in a good way. I like feeling in my body. That's what it's there for. (You're not supposed to walk into a temple just to feel like shit, right?)

song tbd - meantime Prizefighter - full lp in track order, a story 

"sanctuary - revision needed"

When it sticks the landing: "Writing the eulogy for Toughie brought these lessons together. I had to take scientific fact, the extinction of the Rabbs’ fringe-limbed treefrog, and shape it into a form traditionally reserved for human loss. In doing so, I realized how rhetoric shapes value. By calling Toughie “more than a frog,” I was not denying biology; I was acknowledging interconnectedness, echoing Carson. By referencing extinction as part of a larger pattern, I was thinking like Kolbert. By allowing myself to feel grief, I was writing in the spirit of Williams. I also became aware of an assumption I hold: that emotion weakens academic writing. This unit challenged that belief. When grounded in evidence, emotion clarifies rather than distorts."

HERE - mumford and sons ft. chris stapleton I said it'd be the new theme song when it dropped, and here we are. it sounds like a goodbye but it's the first song. reckoning before proceeding.

"not mine"

weighing down - julian taylor 

This event-filled day features a solar eclipse, a new moon, Lunar New Year, Fat Tuesday and the start of Ramadan. If you needed another shot at starting fresh, this precipice of the new era is all yours. Celebrate and meditate. Wave goodbye with one hand and hello with the other. The Fire Horse rides.

well shit. 

seems worth a candle

my shadow - why do I fall in love with what I cannot have? a: because she loves me, I can feel it - she's killin me 😵‍💫🤧😵‍💫

 

me: czy mówisz po angielsku?

her: Not often.

me: you're Black 🤭

her: Yes.

me: sorry, I mean you're Black on the sign too, I just wasn't expecting 🤭🤭 sorry, I am actually pretty sad about a lot of stuff

her: We know.

me: I haven't seen Mary where I live yet, I should go see if Cheektovegas Mary is fucking Black

her: See for yourself, that is your way.

me: ... ... ... ...😭 ... ... ...😪 ... ... 

her: We will meet you there. 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). The long story and the short story are essentially the same, except one is harder to follow as it meanders, repeats and requires a nearly saintly level of patience. 

There was more. But that covers it.

And I am an angel, not a saint. 

found her, as I knew I would. and she is POLISH (heard no English among those folks)

"February 15, 2026

Virgo. You’re smackdab in the middle of Cupid’s crosshairs as the Capricorn moon glows in your amorous, joyful fifth house. The ice cream parlor of life has an abundance of flavors, but you keep coming back to your favorite scoops time and again because it's so nice to have predictable, dependable sweetness. Taste is self-knowledge."

snort. ya, not-it is not-it, I am fully aware. but Stewarts' heart is married to hating Shitty-Vanilla. and I am committed to putting myself 2nd altogether until this is over. so it's not even a thing rn. (reboot)

the kid was up all night with pain - I am not sure why the pain would be going up, guessing nerve feeling coming back (?). a sneeze nearly killed her. 

I am to find cbd relief today, praying there is a dispensary in Little Poland cz it's freezing. I am mos def not going home as I was praying to be able to do. the couch, the cats - emotionally I am rock steady but the homelessness couch surfing part is kicking my ass. 

I knocked her out with klonopin finally. 

I am very tired, but this is testing my post-breaking body and mind, finding sturdy. I am not even smoking weed. I decided to take a thc break while I was here. I went California sober forever ago, and that worked well. but twas a time that weed = horny/hungry. it no longer has that association, for obvious reasons. so, I wanted to kinda clean the slate, decouple smoking a joint from end of day wind-downs, get it out of my system entirely. (reset) I ain't gonna go to Baskin Robbins, but something's gotta give, of that I am also fully aware. 

before I left, at home with Ears smoking a joint, listening to my cowboy-longing music, I was like, when I get back, for a little while, it's gotta be all about me. ya know? mannny times he's been my only witness and only help, through umpteen needs and emergencies of his siblings, punctuated by funerals and firings, until god only fucking knows what is left of my capacity to need anything.

nobody is gonna die, or like Patti and my dad, they ARE gonna die no matter wtf I do. so. enough is enough is enough. 

ears: 😂 totally

me: you can turn me down, you're good, but the rest of everybody

him: 😂😂 I can't say anything not-mean

us: 😂😵‍💫😂😵‍💫😂😵‍💫😂

me: so, like, I will want holes dug in the garden - OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER 

him: go for it!

me: they're either gonna include "and what might you need?" in conversations, or they're just gonna have to fuck off a while

him: FAIR

me: grandma still gets to boss you around tho

him: also fair, and I will dig whatever holes you need in the garden

me: dude, if another whole season goes by like this, I am starting an insta for you: "THE ONLY GUY WHO ACTUALLY SHOWS UP" 

us: 😂😂😂😂

him: that'd be mean AND funny cz I'd have to show you how insta works 

us: 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️

me: ya, that irony would be my first post 🤣😵‍💫 fuckin' a 

Verlaine, we really have to stop meeting this way

she rolls over for bellyrubs like Dball except those back legs wrap around my arm, claws out, "don't stop" - I get that! 🤣 - I have just accepted gluecrusty eyes and hives in my armpits through our brief affair

I look homeless ft my eyes are swelling shut

Be who you are.

Love who you love. 

Be as brave as you need to be to do that.

If you fuck up, say you're sorry.

Know better so you can do better. 

#grit #translated

I am very sorry that I took my dad's valentines for granted.

this feeling - alabama shakes

Today goes deep with the soft, expansive connections, naturally encompassing all forms of love: romantic, platonic, self-love, family and even love for the world or creative projects. This dreamy day is ideal for heartfelt gestures, poetry and soulful conversation. Out: performative displays. In: Being fully there with every sincere cell of you.

A poem:  "Look at me, look at me, look at me now. It is fun to have fun, but you have to know how." — Dr. Seuss (I might need a minute, but am aspirational)

5th day sleeping in and under my clothes on this grodyass couch

We aren't counting days. Years is a better way to count on timelines of magnitude. And today feels like a good day to put a stake in years, astrologically the first day of my after-breaking. 

I looked at last year on this day. By comparison, honestly, sleeping under my coat and taking pussy/pit showers and having tenuous faith 🕯 that everybody is going to make it to spring alive is FINE. I can hack this for that. np 

There is a spring day coming, the sun will be warm on the mud smell, Ears ❤️ will open the cottage for the year, I'll plant a new garden with a big pot of chives, dogs and kids will run around getting filthy, I will pick a hanging basket of flowers. I'll see Huck in the flesh eventually and hug him and just feel his solidity still on this earth ❤️. I will see my mother and she will see her wallpaper and say "OH MY" the way she does ❤️. I am sure there are many hard things ahead, but still. To plant a stake in Aliving, I booked Tawista this morning.

scrapbooking tbd, gonna walk around Little Poland, maybe even find a Mary 🙏 

     “That’s what’s hardest to deal with in a way, the way the physical difficulties lead to emotional difficulties, and there just seems to be no way out of it.”

     Would he want people to ignore the illness, and talk about other things? Or would he want them to talk about the illness? Or would it not make any difference what they said?

     The way he imagines it, more than anything else he would perhaps feel very lonely—he would feel that he was facing this thing on his own, and that whatever anyone else said, or didn’t say, the fact would remain that they weren’t facing it, and he was.

~Flesh

me: this will have to end, ya know? 

 

her: everything ends

Im'a stop breathing if I keep this up, but it's hard to argue with devotion and good looks and philosophical acumen and claws lol 🤧🤧

good thing I brought the emergency inhaler, fuckin a

Saturn moving into Aries is a big astrological moment, and Friday the 13th adds a subtle flavor of intensity and reckoning. Things may feel a little ominous, but it's really about facing what's real and cutting illusions before moving forward. On the pre-roll for Valentine's Day, take heart. Face fear with courage, especially if it involves love or commitment.

I completely forgot. Today is the day it's supposed to be over. The giant ass whooping written in the stars for me. Had something to do with Saturn 🤷🏻‍♀️. Astrologist told me a lot about it that I no longer remember bc I no longer care bc it whooped my ass until my brains were scrambled eggs 😵‍💫. 

My heart stops breaking, that's all I remember. Today. Then, now, it's all about bringing down "the hurty", what my daughter calls her face atm.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You are exactly where you belong, doing what you're supposed to be doing. Go with it. No analysis necessary. Once you assume this is true, what else might be true? That you can trust the instincts that brought you here?

Love brought me here. 

Across the board.

Verlaine ❤️

drinking my coffee from whimsy 

 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You're open-minded, flexible, amenable... and you still should try to get your way. Sometimes your way is just better. Today is one of those times when all will benefit when you politely advocate for it.

uh oh. and everyone always looooves that, too 😂. 

during one of those how to be in leadership things they mailed me off to, they had a bunch of personality tests. I was there with a coworker friend who scored like I did, only I was worse. she since re-assigned her gender to non-binary (they/them), left academia, went into a MFA program (I wrote a letter of rec), and leads a rock band. the difference between them and me is that while we were both extremely introverted, down to the 1%ile of the population in every inner-turning way, the very last thing they had that I did not was a dose of "campaigner" = free-spirited party thrower. my dollop was "advocate" = spiritual idealist. my employer thought that was a great thing, because translated into leadership it meant the capacity to "inspire". they didn't read the fine print, my complete disinterest in inspiring anyone to accept shit. it's kind of funny to think how much money they spent sending me through "trainings", as if that was gonna work some fucking miracle 😂

Yesterday in the waiting room for hours and hours, I was with my daughter's friend. she was sitting right next to me, and at her age they live all online, so we didn't talk, because it was as if I wasn't there, and that suited me. when I wasn't reading, I was listening to the other groups of people who were in the waiting room and what their loved ones were "in for", everyone trying to understand the health prison sentences that had been brought down on the heads of someone they loved. nearest to us was a brain tumor, and the waiting friends and relatives read aloud from their phones about what that even is or how someone might get it out, saying the "aggressive" in a quiet wincing way whenever it was in a sentence. 

I made a note to myself to add "aggressive" to my list of gritwords, and to ask my students what they think of it. 

In bill burr's most recent comedy special ( cannot recommend it enough both because it's hilarious and wise ), he talks about how the only thing he could do for a living was to be a comedian because what he does all day is think, and think about thinking, and keep reflecting on everything until he finds the fucked up thing(s). so there are two things I could have been when I grew up - a stand-up comic or this, whatever they're calling my job these days. have you noticed that everybody wants to rename stuff as if that changes the stuff? like we don't "brainstorm" anymore,  we "ideate" 👀 - everyone wants professors' heads on pikes over politics and "educator" is equally suspect -  in my last grant, I called myself a "healthcare workforce developer" 😂

at closing time, we bid goodnight to alllll of the nurses my daughter had made friends with, trading tips about places to try/go in Southie - always be nice to the nurses (!). good girl

Today, I'll go get her and bring her back to the cat palace and sneeze my brains loose and get bloody noses and binge gay homoeroticism, until my daughter is well enough to start correcting all of my opinions. she is in her roommate's phone as "source of correct opinions" 🤣 oh my god that's so perfect. and when she starts doing that, I'll know I can go home (she's fine). as I write this, she's already texting me about what I am to go get at this deli and that to please her within the bounds of a clear broth diet today. in other words, she's bossing me around from the hospital bed she's still in down the street 🤣 . 

it really is funny how we are all so much ourselves, and yet it takes us a whole lifetime to figure out how to do that fully. 

these trans kids are the inspiring ones, in alllll their personality types 💓

"....caught in the border between different bodies." ~ The Hounding, Kebobe Purvis

As my daughter had her jaw slowly scraped away and then the sides of her face sewn together beneath her tongue to heart-shape it, I read a novel about girls who turn into dogs, but not really, they just want to be unrestricted girls, so they become dogs once kicked like curs for it. I think my daughter could do that - she can do anything. 

"Girls—normal human girls—people could contend with; they were weak and small. And dogs too could be trained. But girls who became dogs, or who let the world believe they were dogs, were either powerful or mad: both monstrous possibilities."

A lot of people believe that being trans is monstrous. Rights, safety, respect - all the civilized things - have to be faught for. The world's fear of trans people must be allayed, practically speaking. But tbh, my heart says if your gender is so fragile that someone else's freaks you out, g'head and cower. 

If I feel short on the will to do any more Aliving, I hope the kids all get my share 💓. But I think I just gotta be brave enough to keep turning out too.

youre gonna make me lonesome - shawn colvin (dylan cover) deep childhood (hers) memory cut - she didn't believe me

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Everything good around you was, at an earlier juncture, a complete problem for someone. Fate is the culmination of one solution after another. So don't worry about the difficulties of the day. Every last one is an opportunity. 👀

It will be fine. I will probably have to hold patience on my face for a bout of physician mansplaining or two. Then leave her there, for the best but prolly hard. Then navigate to a Marriot to escape the unwanted unrelenting 💓affections of a black cat named Verlaine, whose ass was the first thing I saw this morning #COUGH  (aside, only I know these cat names came from a Dylan song oddly). I dunno what my night looks like, but it will not include watching Heated Rivalry tg. 

https://youtu.be/4CEsgRAFk2I?si=0NrFVybsVwy7bRlB bonus track, what my care duties will include (TJ never ever tells me the whole story until after I've agreed to it, as if I woulda had a choice anyway 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️)

cat ass

clay pigeons - john prine 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Countless similar moments blur together, but when something brings up a feeling in you, a memory is born, too. Someone who is emotionally available can turn ordinary moments into a vivid experience. Their access to feeling invites your own.

yea. I need assistance in the feeling stuff department. 

I need a patient lover. Straight talk. Someone who can give me a minute. I was averse to any/all adult touch that wasn't strictly necessary for the entire last chunk of my life, all of the last relationship I was in. Like a hooker, no kissing. That's a crazyshitty thing to do to yourself.

I know I'm in here. I mean, spooning, when it felt needed, I could need it right back. But I am broken in this way. I make a lot of dickbutter because I am trying to imagine any touch that is just for the sake of touching, and I often cannot or I cry trying. I can remember. But I can't easily imagine. It takes concentration to imagine holding a hand, and I had to use memory to do it. 

As urgently as I wanted to STOP DYING, starving being how my body was deciding to check me out of the whole clusterfuck, now I am tentatively but palpably hungry. And it's been so long that I am afraid I will recoil, like how after famine people can't digest anything. No, I know I will be some kinda like that. And I need somebody who wants to touch me enough to let me get there. And it'll have to be someone to whom I can tell that, or it'll be too easy to hide in transactional sex of short duration, which would only make me sicker in this particular, and I can't afford that either. And on top of all that, I am both standoffish and proud. I might feel like I turned myself into the touch-equivalent of a rescue animal, but that is something I can fully hide.

Even Huck. Now that he does not need to be held shaking or his brow smoothed, my tendrils have retracted. He does not want me to touch him, and responding accordingly I do not want to, retreating to the way back of my crate. I love him, that's a hell of a thing, and that will not budge #family. But I am glad I am putting 8 hours between us for a while physically. He won't have to push me away from there / I don't want to put me on him. 

I am grateful to Huck for putting me in a better headspace to care for TJ. I am leaving tomorrow and will stick that caregiving out til she gets to the other side, happy with her choices being as strong a feeling as the pain is. That will be good. My daughter and I both looking for that line in different ways together. And oatmilk 🙄

After that, I should be taking the full measure of my own damages before the breaks knit unset. 

playing with my hair, just to get used to it being touched

I got a full chakra set, medicinal tea and strain combos. I am putting them away until I can and want to explain why I got 2 of that one.

lose control - teddy swims I just like looking at him #solid 

the 'oyster' 

meantime, fuck my life up again - marcus king big sobriety advocate, killer guitar player, and he nails the seductions of addiction, how it is challenging to communicate with an addict in not-their-languages. 

"catbird mexican stand-off"
cat: you're bothering me.
bird: how could I avoid that and still exist?
cat: 😶
bird: 🫥

"I drank in an effort to quiet down the demons from years of trauma and abandonment that I hadn’t learned how to cope with yet... alcohol helped to summon a muse and overcome my social anxiety." ~ Marcus King

🫶

The End of an Era (2011–2026): Neptune in Pisces was a time of immense spiritual growth, disillusionment, and surrendering, particularly affecting mutable signs (Pisces, Virgo, Gemini, Sagittarius).

The Shift to Action (2026–2039), 

Significant Dates: While a preview occurred between March and October 2025, the final, permanent move is January 26, 2026."

"When Neptune leaves Pisces on January 26, 2026, the "cosmic fog" that has lingered since 2011 finally lifts. This shift from watery Pisces to fiery Aries moves everyone from a phase of dreaming and surrender to a 13-year cycle of bold action and personal sovereignty."

Impact by Zodiac Sign

• Aries: The individual enters a "main character" era. As Neptune enters Aries, identity undergoes a profound spiritual reset. A strong push to turn private dreams into a visible, physical reality will be felt.
• Taurus: The focus shifts inward to the subconscious. The individual enters a cycle of deep healing and spiritual retreat, where intuition becomes the strongest tool for navigating the world.
• Gemini: Social circles and future aspirations are transforming. The individual is encouraged to dream of new ways to exist in the world and use visionary ideas to inspire others.
• Cancer: It’s time to step out of the shadows. Neptune illuminates career and public image, inviting the individual to build a legacy that aligns with the highest spiritual values.
• Leo: Worldview is expanding. A drive to explore new philosophies, higher education, or long-distance travel is felt while seeking a deeper meaning for life.
• Virgo: Relationships become a spiritual classroom. The confusion faced with partners since 2011 clears, allowing the individual to build deeper, more authentic intimacy and shared resources.
• Libra: Empowerment comes through partnership. The individual is learning to balance their own needs with those of others without losing themselves or over-idealizing the people in their life.
• Scorpio: Daily life and health get a spiritual upgrade. The individual is motivated to find the "sacred in the mundane," turning routine work and self-care into acts of personal empowerment.
• Sagittarius: Creative joy takes center stage. The individual is entering a phase of intense self-expression where they act as a vessel for creation, following passions wherever they lead.
• Capricorn: Focus returns to home and foundations. The individual will feel called to create a legacy and a living space that truly reflects inner needs and family aspirations.
• Aquarius: The mind is the new playground. Expect a surge in intellectual curiosity and a drive to improve how to communicate and share "bright ideas" with the community.
• Pisces: The 14-year identity overhaul ends. The individual gains massive clarity as the fog lifts, shifting focus to self-worth and financial security—essentially learning how to "cash in" on dreams. 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Shift from "Is this right?" to "What's actually happening?"

What's actually happening? 

"wannabe bayou" is the paper's name, mom and Ears picked it

I am gonna read some more about astrology, "A relationship that causes you to continually override your own instincts and feelings is not sustainable. Work that offers you relief only when you sleep or dissociate is abusive. Stop asking, 'How can I do this with less strain?' and start asking, 'Why am I doing this at all?' Now is an editor with scissors: no crossing it out, just cuts."

Virgo - Today, your ruler, communicator Mercury, sails into your partnership zone until April 14, prompting you to connect with other individuals. Whether you need to get something out in the open and hash it out together or you’ve just been out of touch with a few people who matter to you, start the conversation. 

😶 I'm practicing my listening skills. 

💔 I cannot stop seeing that kid in the lewiston top's check out - pneumonia should not be killing any of our kids 

"good intentions" 

 

"underneath" (secret mural)

hot n cold - katy perry Bug's song-gift for me today

"watcha thinking?"

Theory: we unwittingly co-created a monster, a voraceous Void of some kind; it was lurking til life got hard; then it scoffed at the "for worse" that lovers vowed; it scoffed at our mettle alone; it tries to eat my liver still; it has turned the thing we loved the most, Everyday Life, into a trial, lonely stasis interrupted by continual crises navigated with shattered minds, punched down hearts, sick spirits, and breaking bodies.

One might say, "that's just growing up". But I was a grown up, I was born old, Methuselah (is your type). So No. 

That Thing waits for me around every corner. I want it to come closer now so I can stick my head in its mouth and detonate. Like Titus flying into bits, the dirty bomb version of 'going to pieces' #grit

"It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice." ~ Heart of Darkness No.

by and by - caamp 

 "To write about a struggle amid the struggling. I know you don't like me to ask what's brought you here." ~Yiyun Li

self talk

man, I wish he was here so bad rn

this is the kinda shit that I never figured out so I just gave up - the 'closure' work - my instinct is not to go toward people in pain, at all, like I'ma dial 911 - unless it's family, especially a kid, and for my mother it was my dad. so this urgent wish to be nearer to him atm is, like, I dunno. see? I dunno what that is. even when all other threads between us are clipped, that remains, cz here it is. decoupled, obviously, from any other intimacy, still it's there. AND to be blunt, I did not have that towards other men I've fucked at all (hahahaha omg not even 🤏) cept maybe the Greek but oof he hated that so I repressed it from the get. Nothing like this. So, I mean, it isn't that I like to rescue dudes w broken wings or whatever like some women do. It's not because I am so inclined, generally. It isn't contingent on fucking, exactly. I just very badly wish he were here right now, crabby or drunk or day 4 talking like a sausage if necessary, asleep would be great, just safely where I could see him would be good. Be good for me, it's entirely selfish, I get that too. 

I dunno what I'm gonna do, nothing prolly, options seemingly none but wait, I am just idling high 🏁 alert (and smoking his housewarming blunt), staring into the fire, thinking at him, not these words, other ones, wondering if he hears them. then I wonder if he hears my mother. then wonder if so, does he talk back? then I shut up a while.

I gave myself a sunburn with the nicole face thing #dork

I am going to Montana for a week in July. With my mother, sister, neice - we've all watched Yellowstone a buzzillion times, the RIP fucking scenes a buttbuzzillion times 🤣. I dunno what possessed my sister. Intuition at least in part. She didn't know the only candle I found yesterday was for "cowboy getting" cz I need something warm and real and smells good, like leather. Like alive. 

https://homes-and-villas.marriott.com/en/properties/40456228-big-sky-cowboy-heaven-luxury-suite-6c

maybe there is an ideal porpotion of boot time : everything else = tolerable
what do u think?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Refinement involves repetition. It's a thousand small moves to polish the surface. It's the 50th read, the dozens of meetings, the comb-through, the edits after the final edit. Refinement is what sets you and your work apart.

ok but 50? I mean...

The statistical distribution of serious recovery attempts was highly skewed with a mean of 5.35 (SD = 13.41) and median of 2 (interquartile range [IQR] = 1 to 4). Black race, prior use of treatment and mutual‐help groups, and history of psychiatric comorbidity were associated with higher number of attempts, and more attempts were associated independently with greater current distress.

SO, either 5.35 or 2, not 50. 

It takes 5+ if you're Black. the average may be substantially lower than anticipated because cultural expectations are often based on AOD problems being “chronically relapsing” disorders implicating seemingly endless tries  English: if you're treated like someone who will relapse cz you're culturally coded as "like that", you're more likely to, and if you're Black that's how that goes. 

HOWEVER, the provider in this case is himself essentially, who has called the patient (also himself) a piece of shit umpteen times, with court documents asserting same to boot, so which 'model' of disease has his 'culture' internalized? The chronically relapsing model, presumably (?)

See why I don't trust this? On a weekend = high risk of "current distress" always. Globs or kids, it'll be distress. I gotta hope his mom is feeding him nothing but positive messaging - uhhh - my mom yea, his mom? She might be pretty drained herself by now w the dad foot and no iberostars, to be fair. 

This has nothing to do with "faith" in him. The cards are simply stacked against his being "ok" today. Impaled is statistically more likely. 

babe, thats only for pretend!!

in my mind - ken presse throwing some crows at it