And there is another jar with a honeybee in it: he fell in love. That's a new wrinkle that he has not been quick to mention. I am not poking it, sensing ouch, but it's a pretty important topic. For both of us, really. I have failed to fall in love, which has had consequences too. And I know what I would have done if I had (moved to Omaha). I know what I am capable of 💣, not just sexwise, I mean I can and have blown up worlds for love. (Incl radically shifting job prospects to something I loved.) And here I sit, having done no such thing. I think this is the kind of talk that might be really useful for both of us, trying to move forward, weighed down by what is, all these CIRCUMSTANCES that we are both dealing with. But under the circumstances, there is stuff like how we love and what we have faith in and what we owe others - those are complex and crucial things to know about yourself, and we both got slapped around pretty fucking hard re 'what we assumed' about life that turned out to be uhhh dumb, to use therapy speak. In other words, that's not stuff that needs doing, it needs thinking through. And I am just as tangled in this regard as he is. Having known each other forEVER is valuable here, gotta be.
There is shit I gotta DO but I am more interested in what I think and feel right now (cz this life, wtaf). It's better to ponder than to act sometimes. Even for virgos.
And it might be that the honeybee denied (to himself), is a key to why he drinks as much as he does now. My drinking was mos def tied to falling in love (not). Did that pick up pace simultaneously to the honeybee time line (?) Did the sick kid trauma synch with that (?). Dunno, and gonna let him choose what/when to unpack it. *He wants to live, that's the important part at this moment.* Having made that decision (?), he will have to deal with the drinking, which he does not need for fucking. I am 100% neutral/nonjudgmental (not my column); another GUESS is if we keep fucking he will want the interference of booze less, another natural reason the amount will lessen. One drink just to take a deeeeeep breath, that's all he wants/needs for sex. It's for talking that he needs the drink. And for going home. There are better drugs to handle those things (anxiety) and he knows that. It's the 'I wanna live' part that needs conscious deciding.
And there's a shot glass with a short sex affair in it - quickly dismissed as no thing, thus I can poke that all I want since there's nothing in it that hurts him / he cares about. I mean, I fucked that coworker and it meant nothing EXCEPT I did it entirely because I wanted to kiss someone, very very badly, and that's how I found "kissing is a thing / problem / fetish" of mine in a way that is atypical. And atypically sex-in-itself. I fucked him (you) at Third Base in the kissing, right in front of that friend of his, I would swear to that on a bible. HE, his body, is where that LANDS. "Hello" - I can send that greeting through his lips and sweetly kiss his sleepy cock that chubs up to kiss me right back on my pussy. With all our clothes on.
I feel like I might be able to so from here right now if I keep thinking about it 🙂↕️💋
So the quick sex affair meant nothing but gonna GUESS I will find more detail about choking in that shotglass 🧐
Summary: 🫙🍯🥃 (how much did I get wrong/right?)
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I separated analysis from intention and unblogged the latter, GUESING the former is more valuable atm - even a good thing can be too much to deal with, depending on bandwidth and I am aware that my answers to all the oracle questions (Yes.) on top of my um natural disposition (?) might be a lot. So. Intention percolates.
