I decided I needed Sunshine for dickbutter. My last batch came out meh wouldn't firm up quite. So I went and fetched her cz waiting on her to show up, I mean, it'll happen EVENTUALLY and INEVITABLY, but sometimes I want NOWish and she was 2 days late already so. I got there, sat on her porch, waited for her to roll up and out of BF's car, then into the house through a window ("keys are a problem right now"), and out with butter ingredients of every kind and make-up in case I wanted to go looking at local male bodies (like what kinda beef do they raise around here) which I did not, I wanted to want to eat.
I need to want.
You get there, need to want, after you are past the "I don't want this (to be happening or whatever)" phase which goes on for fuckingever, long enough that you feel like you're gonna die. And then you have a very important thought: you don't want to die.
And that is the last "don't wanna" you can afford. After that, you have to like ice cream, or whatever, stuff that brings you deep pleasure. Not joy, which is abstract and usually what brings you joy also kills you (kids, for example). I am talking "I want to stay in this living body" pleasure. Like swimming.
my day:
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| sleeping naked tfn on principle |
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| angel card of the day |
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| "yes" |
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| "kiev" |
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| the assist ft. I wore her out |
