FUCK.

With Nebraska omw back from a conference at which I gave him the "ring is off, I am pressing pause / see other people / however you feel best about it but it's time to face we aren't compatible partners, I do not want to live the way you do nor with you my way, maybe COworkers would have worked but it did not work for me, YOU AND ME don't work for me, not in a I don't love you way just not a good fit" schpeel which = bye, nicely, cz never burn a professional bridge. Now on route to NYS thank God, HOME!, even if I'm destined to be poor, fuck it I'm gonna go *dig in* and put this all behind me. Goddes even put Nebraska in the seat by the shitter and I got an upgrade 👍, not even seated together. A day in NYS, love on the dog and "hang out in healing" and he will be on his way, that's that. Then 2 seconds b4 we took off, I got the job offer.  Both of us moving to Phoenix. We both got the email at the same moment. The only thing I had a chance to text him was "I am not taking anything back!" My heart is pounding too hard to THINK. Seriously after a week at that conference where EVERYONE LOST THEIR GRANT IN REAL TIME panic at the emotional disco on top of all that, uhhhh, I'm kinda emotional labor exhausted. My whole world runs on grants. Grants and tuition (ie student loans administered by the dept of ed). I'd already lost sooo much of that, but nobody else had.  Then for days, boom boom boom boom punch in the face per hour to hundred of colleagues PLUS I'm like welp I went Mad Maxx a while back and all you did was text my sister 🙄 wtfever, and welcome to my world EVERYONE. Hell, now maybe you'll all break up too, better dating pool for me so 🤷🏻‍♀️....

Then this. 

You can't make this shit up. 

I'm in Detroit, my whole beinghood longing for NY and a legal joint, my HR 171, in the stupid fucking Sky Lounge he loves so much, imploding.