Tuesday, January 21, 2025

I'm working on a survey. On a scale of 1-5, how fed up are you with the relationship you're in?

1 = if we could just solve Problem X, I would be living happily ever after, she's my person (so I'm just griping)

3 I dunno if I can hack this shit much longer but I'm 50% hopeful, and I don't want to split up the dogs blabla so I gotta just plod on...

5 I am willing to be deported or wtfever for something new to happen / all I am is pissed all the time / this is no way to live dog or no dog (fuck this)

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I'm always too wordy for good surveys :/ I have been taking this survey informally / organically of women, and the basic upshot is that they've learned to shoulder their burdens because the devil you know. And they supplement their diets, as it were.

Now I'd like to ask this question of a man. And probably he won't tell me no matter how I word it because men are whatever the hell they are 🀷🏻‍♀️ a self-defeating species 🀷🏻‍♀️. And yet. They do smell good. And I'm in a frisky mood. And he started it, thinking I won't bite. But I BITE, that's just to be expected of my personality type, says my therapist (love her, so spunky), we all have to learn to accept that, especially me. I have been barely able to eat in months, I need to accept it: I bite. I want to eat the apple, and that is a good personality type, I need to embrace it. Someone had to eat the apple, and it was someone like me. 

He's my type, if history is any guide. Younger, not a ton (he wouldn't want more babies, jeezus πŸ™„) but enough not to presume he's driving. He's my equal career-wise, but that has not always been the case, so there isn't that condescension in him that I've come to loathe in successful men. And apparently fucking me occured to him years ago (he's a Fudd - I should put the definition on urbandictionary so you guys have a brand), and as a joke he started confessing that ancient crush. Because we're friends, and lately, like for a year, we've been ramping up the mutual emotional support for putting up with long distance relationships. So we're talking about intimacy at that point, thus ha ha crush confession jokes. Lots of jokes about everything, he's funny, and in a naughty 'you can't say that' kind of way πŸ₯°. (My sister and I just laughed AGAIN about the barbie lost up the ass in the ER, we are still laughing about it). He just got engaged recently - I congratulated him - there was a diamond. I was pretty sure that the diamond was the sign of death, or at least gonna be a quick return to lamenting, but hey, what do I know? Maybe he would live happily ever after, so I quelled the urge to πŸ™„. Today he skipped right to wanting to meet me in a bar to discuss a mutual fucking support group as soon as I asked "did the diamond effect wear off yet?". Can he maybe get under my desk?, he asked.

Thus my need for a survey. Because he's a friend, if he wants to stay with that woman, I am not the fuckbuddy he's looking for, and I don't need a fuckbuddy that I'm HOLDING BACK WITH, I've got one of those, he's called a fiancΓ©. I'm a 4.9 on the survey, with therapeutic advice to do what I want, and holding back ain't it. So. I feel like I need to warn this dude or something. "He's an adult, explain your intensity preferences, let him make his own decisions." She makes it sound so easy. 

I kind of branded a guy on the ass once and I'm not even a little sorry, in fact it's still one of my all time hottest moments, a thing of beauty that still makes me a little wet to think on it - that story should tell ya everything you need to know about my "intensity preferences". I'll tell him that story at the bar, or not, depending on the survey results πŸ€”

Or we will retreat. And he will give me shooting lessons "sometime", as previously discussed. I can conjure him behind me at the range, hard against my bubble butt while he teaches me how to keep both eyes open. That's how that's gonna go down if we pull that trigger, I already assumed.

We shall see 🀷🏻‍♀️

And how do you put down a man that you don't hate?, I am not even mad anymore (kinda sorta), I just cannot keep on being engaged to Nebraska, it makes him think we're getting married, NO. And oh by the way, I work there now (told ya I'd get an official appointment in AZ, God dammit) in part because of his relentless effort to capture me, which I haaaate, but I do like the job, he's going to have to get used to having won the partner hire and lost the partner, which will not go swimmingly, I fear. He just doesn't understand that is only going to get him hexed half to hell. "Tell him you want to take a step back and reevaluate your feelings and your options. You have every right to do so. He doesn't sound like an asshole, he sounds like someone who should RESPECT YOUR WISHES, as would be your legal right to demand now. It's your job not his, your choice not his. DO WHAT YOU WANT. And keep doing it. That will make you well again." She makes it sound so simple.

reaper - wild coyote & badd wolf (snake remix)

I love this weather. I can rapunzel my little brains loose.