My card today is The Lovers. I just unpacked my deck the other day, my face through Johnie's eyes and haunted by the rejecting gemini, is the Lovers card that I made. John was the only lover who never said he loved me. And the only one who never fucked me over, either. That is how words work, they mean what they come to mean through use. To me, 'I love you' is ominous. And I've kept it all, too. Such as those notes and talismans that I took so to heart, all bound with that cockringed pepper that I dried and packed away in course salt. I am never not aware of that cock in box, some part of me fondling Trainwreck's balls still, a spell I keep casting: you will not forget me. I said to TJ, Let's stop holding Trainwreck against every other man. He replied, I only hold him against YOU. I wonder if that would get better if I unpacked that box. Maybe I will. Maybe I will show it to Nebraska, a visual aid: Fair Warning. I scry the same desire structures in his mind, plain as day. Perhaps a warning up front would either chase him off or illicit better behavior towards me, either would be a preferable outcome. Then I will break open the pepper and plant the seeds.

Yes, that is what I am going to do.

pentonix- someone I used to know