countdown to kiss my ass goodbye 2016

In some ways, it was a good year. Careerwise for sure - I knew the future would arrive sooner or later even for the Catholics. I stuck it out. And it paid off this year. Commitment usually does pay off, in my experience. People quit things, but I don't much. Unless there really is no choice left.

And on the personal front, no choices for me were left this year. He got to make all the choices, and he did, leaving me none. All of 2016, he owned it. I had so little choice that it left me free of having no choices, finally. 2017 looks like this. Shelterless ft. zero bullshit.



...VIRGO You imprint yourself on others, even when merely passing in the street. It's an interesting thing to think about, your casual impression. To understand the effect you create is no small matter of mind.
Bonus track. (gonna order the soap.)

 
Neil Diamond - If You Go Away

Devil Doll - Bourbon in Your Eyes

VIRGO There's someone out there who would love to double your joy and divide your grief. Perhaps this person is already in your world, only you haven't yet shared enough to know how well you fit.

Chet Faker - Talk is Cheap. (Live.) High rec.

Alexander - Truth VIRGO Whatever happened before, leave it in the land of before. Future-you is still to be determined. You're the determiner. You will be what you make of yourself.

My family arrives today. Sister, mother...I love them and it will be nice to see them. But it won't be nice to be seen by them. To myself I am myself, in my own skin. But reflected back at me in their eyes, I am sure I look terrible, a failure and alone and sad.

I set my blog to 365 days visible, so I could look at each year as a snapshot totality. There is a lot of repetition. Variations on a same theme.

VIRGO Remember when you got some long, consecutive, non-interrupted time chunks to organize your life around? Boy, that does seem like a thing of the past now, but don't worry, it will also be a thing of the future. 



Uhhh ya. I always get realllllly organized around sexual frustration. And sabbaticals. Let's hope for the latter shall we?

VIRGO Your best intentions, well, that counts for something even when intentions aren't enough to get the outcome you were hoping for. However it works out for you today, it can still lead somewhere good.

 (It is what it is.)

VIRGO A partnership that drains you is defeating the very purpose of partnership. Partnerships should contribute to your sense of well-being. Go get a partner who shares your goals and complements your skills.

VIRGO A partnership that drains you is defeating the very purpose of partnership. Partnerships should contribute to your sense of well-being...

I liked hurting girls. 

Mentally, not physically, I never hit a girl in my life. Well, once.

The thing is, I got off on it. I really enjoyed it. It’s like when you hear serial killers say they feel no regret, no remorse for all the people they killed. I was like that. Loved it. I didn’t care how long it took either, because I was in no hurry. I’d wait until they were totally in love with me. Till the big saucer eyes were looking at me. I loved the shock on their faces. Then the glaze as they tried to hide how much I was hurting them. And it was legal. I think I killed a few of them. Their souls, I mean. It was their souls I was after. 

But don’t worry, I got my comeuppance.~The Oxygen Thief

Ask yourself a lot of questions, accept reality, don't close your eyes to the truth.

VIRGO The avoidance of worry is a form of worry. It's a struggle to avoid struggle and a pain to avoid pain. In light of this, avoid avoidance altogether. Take life head-on, at face value. Forward march!