FaintedInk comes down, we go out, and she made rooms full of friends (amazing, honestly) while I quietly hugged the end of bars mostly. Then I started telling her about this book I'm reading and about "locked in syndrome" and she says, "You might have that!" (maybe I'll work on that this year) (prolly not) (but) (ya never know)
from Tears and Saints, E.M.Cioran:
Whoever reads the saints’ confessions cannot help thinking that Jesus was sent into the world not so much as to save people as to comfort the hearts of women starved for love. Mundane interpretations are not appropriate for saints, but it looks almost certain that had a mortal lover competed with Jesus for the heart of a saint, our Savior would have remained a simple member of the Trinity [just some guy].
Jesus was the official lover of saintly women.
The saints’ longing for love would have given birth to an inner desert had it not been for the omnipresent divine eros, which perfumed their desires and their weaknesses.
My Lord, I shall dredge tears from the gates of hell and make my home in them. I shall fold your shadows in my twilights. Can it be that God is only a delusion of the heart as the world is one of my mind?
God’s advent coincides with the first quiver of loneliness. He finds his place in the emptiness of a tremor. Divine infinity thus equals all the moments of loneliness endured by all beings.
Nobody believes in God – except to avoid the torment of solitary monologue. Is there anyone else to speak to?
Loneliness without God is sheer madness. At least our ravings end in him, and thus we cure our mind and soul. God is a sort of lightning rod. For God is a good conductor of sorrow.
I hate the "supposed to be having 'deep thoughts'" pressure of New Years. My resolution is the same as last year’s basically: keep my dumb ass off the cold ground from the falling on it all the time. Despite the Cioran vibe (given the options available, reading Cioran is not the worst), I’d like another year a lot like the last one. Not because it was a perfect year. But since I just had a year like that one then this one would be better because everything is better once you get the hang of it, and you can tinker while snug. Logically speaking, a duplicate year is potentially ideal in the pursuit of happiness (provided the first one didn’t suck).
Thievery Corporation - Shadows Of Ourselves
Scott Matthews - The Boy with a Thorne in His Side
Dean Martin - Ain't That a Kick in the Head [Doug's favorite]
