I don't need to read my horoscope. I don't need to pull a tarot card. 👁 I can see.

I can see clearly now - bobby mcfarland live, demonstrating what you can do with just your body if you know the words (which I sure do)

And my mother can both hear and listen🦻(if she cares to).

Funny story: She can barely handle listening to music yet. She confessed that Chris Stapleton has sounded to her like 'a big black lady belting something out', and now her brain has to get used to the fact that he is not Mavis Staples. 

how many times - mavis ft the math 

Samhain is like the ok corral of the year, a with-me or against-me type deal. 

Like magic. I restored my mother's hearing. She was stone deaf in one ear, almost deaf in the other, using $50 bullshit hearing boosters from amazon that I could sometimes hear squealing but she couldn't hear shit. My sister is 🤯 over her getting demented, that is what we fought about. My mother's mind is fine, she was selectively increasingly deliberately deaf. She herself wasn't aware of it anymore, it had become her way of life.

I thought, No. These ways of life that cost brain function or that of any other vital appendage can fuck all the way off. 

3 hours with an audiologist and $2k, that's all it took + No, the secret ingredient. Now she is struggling. She really was DEAF this morning, and now she can hear FINE. And she misses being deaf. There is a whole body of scholarship about grieving that loss when it's cured. She has cried over it a couple times today, not sure how to feel. (Welcome back to the land of the living, Ma.)

Like magic. Then I scored the black Italian leather couch. Like a really great bed fucked a hot leather boot and its demi-god child is this couch. (The whole safe thing taught me: ask to buy the display. #workthetariffs)

"things around you are not what you think"

has nothing to do with Halloween and it's some kind of true 👁

It comes across my mind like a memo: Whatever you are taking for granted / as a given / in the bag, don't. 

she is turning dirt years old this year 😒 

strategies for surviving more virgo days

https://www.westherr.com/inventory/used-2024-hyundai-santa-cruz-limited-awd-4d-crew-cab-5ntjeddf9rh103477/ #girltruck

The subaru that I am inheriting is older than my dad said it was by two years and 30k miles, so I've just added another vehicle that's got an expiration date into my driveway w leased jeep. If I can get the car all the way home illegally and in one piece, of course. Thankfully, my brother in law could spend an hour last night pairing its "smart screen" (looks like atari level tech) to sirius x m so I can have cowboys helping me stay vertical for the time being. But what IF, just for shits and giggles, I imagine that THE HORIZON IS LOOKING FOR ME 👀. I think that means living in time that's not just "for the time being" which is the kinda time I have been living in for .... well, a long time now. Though I do appreciate having gobs of any kinda time, which is far better than being out of time, I'm getting a bit impatient with "the time being". 

My mother can live in magic time.  Time that she can create with her mind both future and past. So I'm gonna show her pictures of girl trucks until one materializes in the driveway. If that works, the possibilities might be endless ...

song, hell the whole soundtrack, TBD

I don't pull a card of the day until the end of the day now because

the future is someplace you've never been before even if it's just the day in front of you. So maybe I should look back on the day instead 

feelings did flow that is true

Landing in love and laughter and planning and existentialism, which is where my sister and I always land and find common ground. A truck by the end of this year for me. 💕smib 

When life has handed you yet another existential catastrophe and you've come apart again, you realize, unlike during earlier crises when you thought 'if you got through this one, then it'll be easy street' , that no - this never stops. We learned that this round. Life is a process of catastrophe, constantly stirring the pot just to stir up more Alive Trying. So, you know, do/be you. And that's it, all you can do, and try to laugh as much as possible and eat better, drink more water and do a better job of keeping the house plants alive. 

I'm going to get on this broom soon, it's time to go home.

I love you I'm sorry - Mumford&Sons (gracie abrams cover) 

I love that you can read that song title umpteen ways, all at once. 

And I love the way he sings covers especially, eyes closed then closed-er the deeper he reachs into someone else's feels. Enteric thinking.

what's on, the array of numbing liquids, the recliner 3 ft from the screen in which sits my mother too small to see, all of it - it's apx 8 a.m. here and the dog is still hiding in the crate pretending the day hasn't started yet (wise creature)

"sunrise"

was gonna unblog this but decided it's a poem

"Survive"

survive - louis capaldi new song, I heard today,

another echoing voice from something, 

posted when Huck crossed my mind a few years ago ,

I wonder what was happening then.

Then, I 

bought a gun, the last glock in the case

and bullets ("ammo" they call it, like fodder for an argument), last box

and a safe, 2nd to last one he is holding 

(I love nice to me, it's unsettling) 

"Good feelings are the real value added. Even when something is paid for as a commodity, the gift of relationship is still attached to it." ~The Serviceberry

and new deadlocks installed on every door

and checked in for my flight, upgrading the seat 

(to be left alone)

funny, pulling this particular card means "you are never alone / angels walk with you"

 

VIRGO Even if you understood why people behave the way they do, it wouldn't change what's happening. Sometimes people are just plain confusing. Don't worry if you can't figure them out; you don't need to. Today's situation will smooth over on its own.

WildOnes blueprints

When I first looked at those blueprints, I thought, well, I can do some of that. But the longer I look at them, I think nothing is stopping me from doing all of it. And more. This little quarter acre could serve hundreds of species of birds and pollinators, a little island for them where there is literally nothing now except shitty grass covering fantastic loamy soil that goes down as far as we could dig, four feet at least. Did you know that cheektowaga means place of crab apple trees? Even the nativists didn't mention that. The kind of soil I have is made only one way, by the death of many things that have turned themselves and history into nutrients, quietly waiting and churning and waiting some more, becoming richer in themselves as men paid no attention except to the airport. 

Maybe it wasn't my mother who put me here at all. She just heard it through the grapevine 🙏. I have tried to puzzle it out. But I have no eathly idea why I am here. I can make myself useful, though. Maybe that is the only reason, to be useful to a butterfly. A beautiful tiny reason of no obvious importance.

keep them on they toes

 

GONE day

 

"status: gone"

As soon as I could legally do so, I registered my forwarding address as a po box in the middle of absolute nowhere on sovereign territory, a Dead End. It's just dust, easily seen through, but buys time.

closing day

I should be elated or at least relieved. But, what changed really? 

just a kiss - lady A cover (8 year old kid rapping it) inspired interpretation of the original lyrics