Being depressed and not being able to distinguish that from unhappiness and having to just have faith that that will resolve somehow someway bc I can't DO ANYTHING except tread water harder getting nowhere but stillalive. Not wanting to talk to anyone and having to do so anyway, all the time, about as little as possible because I can't tell anyone anyrealthing. Then all the practical things like housing and food costs and winding up in my kids' scathing memoirs. Cancer. Climate catastrophe. That I can smell the pea soup burning but can't care enough to go turn it down, that'll bite me in the ass in a couple hours ... it's kind of an EVERYTHING could use a un-sucky make-over which would be okay if I felt like I could ACCOMPLISH THAT but I cant, I don't know how. Hence I am crying since I'm not good at being lousy at life without a clue, it's a bitter pill to have to swallow, I'm just suddenly lousy-at-life, god what a shitty lifestage, like a mid-life extended pre-eulogy inner monologue nonstop 😖
My problem is not the pandemic. It is that the pandemic traps me inside with my self. If I had a better self, I'd be fine.
Is there a good song for that?
