Monday, September 21, 2020

My grandmother died at a certain point in time. So she had to pick THEN. She chose for her deathbed earbuds "Move Like Jagger", Maroon 5. I still giggle. And am panged, missing her, when I hear it. 


https://youtu.be/kJQP7kiw5Fk


I am trying, on top of coping with the giant colossal failure of civil society entirely, to get transwoke. I am supposed to see a woman. I find that pretty easy to do. But that isn't right, that can't be right, cz in that case, I see WARNING SIGNS. If my baby YOUNGEST had been born with a vagina and were in all the same circumstances now, I would be FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. 


I often go to sleep comforting myself that maybe I just won't wake up. I made the mistake of saying that to Nebraska, who threatened to commit me. Ha,🖕 And see, that's what I mean, intimacy is a risk of violence, TJ knows that but thinks it's an aberration not base model equipment of every relationship. I.e. she is new to being a girl. That's dangerous as fuck. Being a woman but with a man's presumption of privileged safety, wow, that's on the scary side of every existential everything (from a mother's point of view). If she claims racial dysphoria next (which for the record I believe DOES exist), I might off myself. Or feel like doing so (without making the mistake of telling anyone that again).