Mark is still dead. I don't think about it for days and days. I'm busy. Then I remember and I think, STILL dead? Patti Smith, she says to Fred after almost 20 years, You've been gone long enough. But he can't come back. Aaron isn't dead but I think of his absence like that. All the time, to me he is gone, and I think of it as I am doing now. Absence drives us to lament, to want to wail ENOUGH, for even death feels like a choice. But our minds must walk off from it after awhile as if from a show after the credits.