Me: hi Dad
Him: I'm lonely
Me: understandable, good thing you hate people
Him: but not like this, I haven't seen a face in weeks, my friends like to text but I want to hear a human voice
Me: (that's just what Nebraska says, drives me fucking nuts) what did you do today?
Him: I have a trap.under the birdfeeder, a live trap, when the squirrel falls in I leave him there and go around him with the lawn mower
Me:
Him: just for the day, off and on to scare the shit out of him
Me: whhhhhy?
Him: so he won't come back
Me: are you in front of your computer?
Him: I'm on the phone with you
Me: dude you can do both, go turn on your computer
Him: ok it's on
Me: open the email I just sent you, then click the blue link
Him: nothing is happening
Me: it's not magic dad, give it a second...
Him: I CAN SEE YOU O MY GOD YOURE GORGEOUS
Me: (that's just what..) hi
Him: HI
Me: how about we stop torturing small animals for fun? I hear that doesn't end well, psychologically
Him: I let him go!
Me: right, that's the crazy part dad, he's game meat
Him: YOURE GORGEOUS
Me: (sigh)

Trump’s Idea to Inject Disinfectant to Kill Coronavirus Alarms Medical Experts https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-23/coronavirus-dies-fastest-under-light-warm-and-humid-conditions speaking of bonkers