feels like someone cut my strings, could barely move all day, nothing got done, maybe caught something dunno 🛌 all I did was come to long enough to worry I can't be his only thing what if I get sick...

they sneak-attacked - Ears keeping Dball quiet and Janis butt-to-butt - just let her sleep, they all agreed, then we won't have to do any things

I closed my eyes for 5 more minutes and woke up 5 hours later. I could sleep 5 more. Since I already missed every meeting etc, I might as well sleep and sleep and sleep until need of a taco is overwhelming. "I can't tell you nobody will die if you close your eyes," says shrink, "but you will crash if you don't." A sunwarm rock is the most comforting fantasy I can conjure.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Consider that some people in your life remain dissatisfied because that's the way they prefer it. If they stay displeased, the other person keeps trying to win their approval, which lets them remain the judge and hold the upper hand.

🫩 😵‍💫 too much effort to ponder all those variables - whoever can judge  displeasure with whichever hand they use for that 🤷🏻‍♀️ - I really just want autumn color, a fall walk, to be in nature beauty, to sit on a sunwarmed rock

today, his utilities are turned off. another ✅️ 🤞eating the mountain one elephant a time or whatever

last night, I saw my own shrink. she was alarmed by 🖤, not myself, whatever that even is anymore, I am nothing, I am a walking to-do list, I bought a collander 🫩. she says, ummmm how about we up that anti-depressant dosage? I honestly did not know I could do that, yes let's do that 🫩

people not-dying is hard to know how to feel about - your mind struggles to feel relieved or good or something 👍, but to do that it has to keep touching the hot stove of the original terror then pulling back pained-again. a loop. 😵‍💫

we agreed to walk through the big Vegas cemetary today, the birdfeeder has been abandoned. he can't do a lot of assembling small parts atm. his job is subassembly - there is no way in fuck he's gonna be able to go back to work til god knows when. 

he wants this

I want to go back to bed