there is a pit in my stomach with his name on it, my body immediately responds to him negatively / distressed, like I swallowed a brick all'asudden. I think exes can be friends, but not that one 👆

In the text before this one he said "Well. That was sweet." dissing the yoga, finding ways to meangirl it. So predictable yet still my blood boils for a sec 🤏

Ears had to deal with a money thing today. He has to verify his identity over and over, and I gotta get pushy and blunt, these are huge triggers for him, $anything (to be clear, he was NOT bad at it, not like he FAILED at it, being good enough at it broke him). I know that. So we do one, then take a break for a day or two. This one was the car loan refund. Of course that needs rounds of nagging to actually get done. So breathe, I'll do the talking, you keep telling them I can do the talking, which went from Lady doing a "soft hand off" to Dude (each one explaining to the next this kid went to grippysocks) who heard me out and called the car dealership for me, like spanked the guy a bit, then called me back in 5 min saying "it's taking time, for reasons I didn't get into, but it should move along now". Done ✅️ $5169.90 And Ears stayed with it, saw the bullshit game it all is, and a lot of money 🤨 honestly people buy this crap warranty shit all the time, I tell him he got lucky going bonkers or he'd been stuck paying for it. And remember, fuckface 👆 gave him some $ down on that car so that's his money that I am taking hours to get refunded. Ears can't do this stuff yet, but he can understand it a little more each day. It is a feeling, a terrible being eaten alive feeling, but money is also just paper(work). 

He also misplaced about 6k. TIAA. Pattern: he makes sensible choices then blocks them out because they're stressful. We found that $ with the MTS team talking us through it. One thing at a time, fix the thing. But priority is 💯 stay out of the hospital. Ears cannot afford much, his nerves are shot. I understand that vicserally. And my gut reaction to fucktardo 👆 is simply nope. I have been managing him a LOT outa necessity, but now nope. that ain't gonna be a thing. and no it's not best if parents have a 'united front' if one of them is a douchebag so don't even try.

after that queezy 'damn he makes me want a drink' physical reaction to his text thing passes, I decide I'll wait a few days then just reply "is it about the cat?" M will make sure he comes for the cat, I know she will. other than that .. 

my point is, Ears is here specifically in part because of my zero tolerance of the devils 👆 presence and wholesale rejection of how he moves through the world. for this event / transition / phase of Ears' life, he's chosen to be behind my barbed wire in pondmaking world, where brownies bearing a full pound of reeces pieces appear continually. I joke but I am not joking. It is a magic place where Ears' father is not legally allowed to set foot. Wherever I am is that magic space, antiandyland antidouchebagzone, for my own sake, but as long as he is here, Ears will enjoy that zoning ordinance as well. 

and if we gotta fuck off to puerto rico for a minute or whatever, that's what we'll do. be better if there were a guy around 🤔 gonna text Craig, where's my damn door? (and park your ass here for a spell.)