working (comp 101)

I wish I were as good at anything else as I am at this. I can make any kinda Teaching Thing work. It does feel like a kind of magic, almost outside me flowing through. Once I get started, it's really hard for me to turn it off. And I've been doing nothing but revising classes head to toe for a couple months now - on the side of every other thought experiment, I've been systematically doing that. This last week, loading it all in, every day all day. 

Every thought experiment impacts all the others, but the one that usually comes out the best is the teaching stuff. Every other category of life is a bit of a mixed bag lol - well, I generally score pretty well in the the motherhood dept and have uhmm discerning children (euphemism 🤣) who grade that 🤷‍♀️. That's kind of it, I'm a good teacher and I'm a pretty good mother. And I kinda suck at everything else (I am still "a learner")

My boss reallllllllly wants me to teach that extra class, the freshman writing one - I designed it, but I have never taught it. I designed it to stabilize the employment/enrollment of the people they just fired 😵‍💫🤨 - a problem that I had fixed until they just refucking broke it. And me again by half 🤨

I can't stop thinking about the course because I know it needs done. I can't claim it as Grit by that title outright - that was to be shared intellectual property and to use it under that name would violate a trust between me and the people who were talking about it when they were shot. To me, that'd be unethical.

So. The empty needy class just kind of sits hovering there in my periphery vision 🤔🤔🤔🤔 until it POPS, and I have the whole fifteen weeks in my head. All of it. Just, boom, there it is. So I turn off the t v which I can barely watch anyway, I only ever last about five fucking minutes watching tv unless it's reallllly compelling, my mind just never stops working. So I open fuckergpt and dictate the rubric into it, tell it to spit it back out. 

(aside, I'm getting much better at using these tools for what they're good at, which is not long term continuity, it's being bossed around in the moment cz I just want something right now and then it can fuck back off, which might be having an impact on my desire structure recently 🤔)

It needs refining obviously but. The how it works for the students' mind part is the important part. I lay out fifteen weeks worth of interconnected subject matter, a charcuterie board, and then teach them the discernment practice(s) of deciding whether they liked it or not. And the subject matter would route them to courses that either do or do not still exist. We are spread too thin to teach all our own courses now, so students will have to wait longer to get into them or they can't have them at all anymore because Craig is now installing my patio door not teaching The Holocaust. 

I try to leave students hungrier than I found them. But if I had to describe the typical current student, it is starving already. But they don't know for what, and neither do I, so we all find that out. That is the class. And then they should go to buff state if they want a follow up course on some of the topics because we don't have follow up courses anymore, such as in history (over which I am holding a grudge). 

Course title: Switchyard

rubric draft - grit turned upside down inside out and made to bend the knee 

I need to get a fucking life.