I did not get my little wish.

I lasted not even 1 song's worth. It took way longer to find parking than it did to walk the fuck outa there. 5 minutes wasn't much time for even a tiny wish to manifest, but, just No. 

Poor Sunshine in her fishnet and thigh boots wasted on me. Though she had her pal Tabitha (theoretical dd) and could have stayed, she followed me right back out the door. In the freezing cold with no pants and on 4" heels, she trotted after me. The golumpki came in handy yet again to make it up to the girl who grew up down the street from the Polish Nook, and the extra tray I was going to freeze became dinner at midnight. It was lucky food.

While the dd (the only one who drank 🙄) snored on JonHamm, we watched 3000 Years of Longing, which I had never heard of and was dubious but I owed her a good time. And she was right, I loved the film. OMG my mom would loooove love love it. I wish I could rewatch it with her today.

I am not sure that what my little heart desires even exists in this world anymore, Ma. 

Tuesday I will go to court with Sunshine. Folks shouldn't have to do that alone. Then we are coming back here to make a new batch of butter. All of the jars we made at the start of the summer are gone except for one. I used them all on myself alone, rubbing it all over me every day as my skin, like my hair, healed from the drastic loss-changes. I got the last jar out of storage yesterday.

So, seems perfect timing to make more, that particular day. Counter-court and all related "reasonable" impingements on soul-wishes dickbutter.

Today, in this house, with which the children instantly and forever fell in love, I will make soup for Ears, who is still terribly sick despite being told he's fine. Note: be very wary of being told "you'll be / you're fine" in every context - anyone who says that to you might not be trustworthy at all.

Kitchen witchery is strong here. All childish heart magic, including what is left of mine. And I bring it out intentionally, every cabinet reachable by a little person opens to art supplies, nooks and crannies filled with little delights. (Re)building in this unlikely pocket of place, salvaging all I can of the broken as precious raw material.

wishes - slow leaves for you (maybe you will meet a djinn)

to a child, this looks like an expanse of snow angels
#waiting to happen

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Not only have you survived enormously stressful circumstances, but sometimes you've chosen them on purpose. It was out of duty, or to answer a calling — but now it's because the hard things have taught you that you can do anything.