Someday, but not today, I'll be in time that I'm not experiencing as a sentence I'm serving. 

I have to keep telling myself that "this is almost over" won't be what I think/feel about every day of my life always. It's just a phase. 

I am watching soft core porn now, women riding bicycles in short skirts, after The Pacific for what feels like the billionth time. I told my father some of the med questions I intend to ask his dr. He told me all he needs is a "beach and a bitch". 

Mom is better. Dad needs a bullet. As predicted. She loves life. He hates it. I'm becoming him. Which makes killing us both seem like an increasingly good idea. 

just a phase just a phase just a phase just a phase

No song. Because if I asked for one, I wouldn't get it. And that's just not how it should be.