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| "harvest moon coming" |
Thursday, July 23, 2020
Update: negative.
https://www.mybostonheart.com/pub/MyResults.aspx (not available not available..)
I had us all tested within an hour of arrival. Still waiting. What good does that do?? That's horseshit
Meanwhile I'm already out of patience. I don't have the ability to hide that as I once did. The men before this one for the best of me, I'm afraid.
Bonus track.
https://www.mybostonheart.com/pub/MyResults.aspx (not available not available..)
I had us all tested within an hour of arrival. Still waiting. What good does that do?? That's horseshit
Meanwhile I'm already out of patience. I don't have the ability to hide that as I once did. The men before this one for the best of me, I'm afraid.
Bonus track.
Saturday, July 18, 2020
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Wisconsin added to New York, New Jersey quarantine travel advisory
https://www.tmj4.com/news/coronavirus/wisconsin-added-to-new-york-quarantine-travel-advisory
That broke when Nebraska was about half an hour from my Sister's, deployed to bring my mother here.
No way to call it off. I tell him: please don't sleep, just go/come. Then he goes quiet.
I remember when I LOVED. I would have fantasy tests: what would I do for you? Risk my life, check!
That wasn't what was ever asked of me, however. So I always failed.
Now: Would I risk my life for your mother? A:
I feel as if I owe one (repost) I love her.
Bonus track - you have got to be fucking kidding me. Thing is, yes they are dying, they're DYING OF WHITENESS. If I live until November, I'll see Metzl again, and this time I won't be shy. I'm out of my depth, granted, but we all are now.
https://www.tmj4.com/news/coronavirus/wisconsin-added-to-new-york-quarantine-travel-advisory
That broke when Nebraska was about half an hour from my Sister's, deployed to bring my mother here.
No way to call it off. I tell him: please don't sleep, just go/come. Then he goes quiet.
I remember when I LOVED. I would have fantasy tests: what would I do for you? Risk my life, check!
That wasn't what was ever asked of me, however. So I always failed.
Now: Would I risk my life for your mother? A:
I feel as if I owe one (repost) I love her.
Bonus track - you have got to be fucking kidding me. Thing is, yes they are dying, they're DYING OF WHITENESS. If I live until November, I'll see Metzl again, and this time I won't be shy. I'm out of my depth, granted, but we all are now.
Friday, July 10, 2020
Thursday, July 09, 2020
We live in a banana republic of our own racist making.
Bonus track.
I dreamed I saw him years from now and I know the moment is true in time and it DOES happen. I will have been dead for a long while, and that will have been harder than he expects. He tells me that he is okay now. But that is a long way off ft. it won't be okay any time soon.
Monday, July 06, 2020
Saturday, July 04, 2020
Thursday, July 02, 2020
Wednesday, July 01, 2020
My kids. They're so young yet now all adults, navigating the shit I tried to and failed quite, through teenage pregnancy through lesbian communes through multiple failed pledges to love forever..well, that last one I probably did do, but found out loving someone forever doesn't even mean you'll ever see them again, and that was before a pandemic to factor in. The world keeps spinning, clearly hopelessly awobble.
I am awake at janitor hours still. Approaching shift change. Giving report.
I am online shopping and arranging my mother's visit. As in any July. I wrote in my journal last year that I would never bring anyone to my hideaway in the mountains again. The owners don't even rent it anymore except to me, for pity's sake, a widow and all. But the only way to get my mother to me is through Nebraska.
I tried this with FPH, what Nebraska does with me. Dog loyalty, "being there", I get underwear in the mail. None of it worked. Or did it? It's hard to say anymore who wound up really meaning anything to anybody. Who would you risk kissing/hugging? Is that the measure? (insert mental experiment here)
I am awake at janitor hours still. Approaching shift change. Giving report.
I am online shopping and arranging my mother's visit. As in any July. I wrote in my journal last year that I would never bring anyone to my hideaway in the mountains again. The owners don't even rent it anymore except to me, for pity's sake, a widow and all. But the only way to get my mother to me is through Nebraska.
I tried this with FPH, what Nebraska does with me. Dog loyalty, "being there", I get underwear in the mail. None of it worked. Or did it? It's hard to say anymore who wound up really meaning anything to anybody. Who would you risk kissing/hugging? Is that the measure? (insert mental experiment here)
"all is but an intermission, of small and tender consequence", Patti Smith
How did they do this?🤔
How did they do this?🤔