:(--<

Awning Man was here and gone while I was away, finally, repairing so I can sit and glide and read. My scruffy little city has the best summer weather, always a breeze to catch on the porch where the trees close me round in dapplegreen. That's good cz I'll be lonely now for a while until I sink back into my own.

norah jones - I'll be thinking about you

rose polenzani & sharon lewis - sweetheart (fph)

polenzani did that soul meets body cover - and she's rose cousins' cousin too

I am in looove

an inscrutable randomly dissatisfied pissy heart-stopper

Dawglet looooves Norah Jones, my glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes la la la, repeat repeat (repeat). I'm going to be back on 'girls on guitar' type songs for a while, trying to expand her rep. So I'm posting a couple more from Rose Cousins. Across Ohio in a few places you can pick up Canadian public radio, and I got a Canadian folk music showcase with her on it. The songs are best mixed in with other stuff, cz like Norah's they tend to sound all alike. The "Dance All Night" song, though it strikes me as romaaaaantic, was actually written for her mother and is the best on the cd I think. But these are good too:

simple thought
if you were for me

If you're in the states, it costs a buttload to have the cd shipped, but you can download it for pretty cheap.

you . if you were for me - rose cousins - dance if you want tomp3

for Virgo: How well are you capitalizing on this year's unique opportunities, Virgo? Now that we're almost halfway through 2007, let's take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back and say the following: "This was the year I came all the way home. It was a turning point when I learned to speak with my own voice instead of trying to speak with the voices of everyone who's ever been important to me. In 2007 I found my power spot, my mother lode, my sacred ground. For the first time, I have a deeply felt certainty that I belong here on this planet; I belong here in my life; I belong here in this community and this mission and this body." ['finding my power spot' lol god that's funny]

(w Scorpio rising: Now that we're almost halfway through 2007, it's time to assess how well you're capitalizing on this year's unique opportunities. So let me ask you a few questions. Have you been working hard to increase your value? I don't just mean economically, although it's true that this is the best time in over a decade for you to make more money and launch long-term plans for financial growth. But I hope that you're also adding to your worth in every way you can imagine, like by getting the training and new skills that will make you irresistible to future employers, lovers, and collaborators; and by purifying your motivations and clarifying your ethics and bolstering your integrity. )

. . . to suggest a repose and to settle simply, to surrender one another, to succeed saving simpler, to satisfy a singularity and not to be blinder, to sugar nothing darker and to read redder, to have the color better, to sort out dinner, to remain together, to surprise no sinner, to curve nothing sweeter . . . cloudiness what is cloudiness, is it a lining, is it a roll, is it melting. - Gertrude Stein, Tender Buttons

dylan - I shall be released {any day now}

the Violet log ch.1

(wawawa) good morning sunshine (wa wa wa) are you hungry? (wa wa wa) well just give me a minute ( wa wa WA WA) okay okay I have to warm it up (wa wa wa wa wa) not a morning person huh welp I can relate (wa wa wa) okay here ya go (slurp slurp) (wa wa wa wa) what? (wa wa wa) no you can’t have your mother she’s barfing (wa wa wa wa wa) you can cry all you like (wa wa wa wa wa ) and I guess you will but (wa wa wa) here try the bottle again (wa wa tearful slurp scowl piss and moan slurp slurp) see not so bad (wa wa) [pat pat pat] (belch) (urp) how about we try your jungle gym thingy (wa wa wa) okay I guess not how about your new keys (wa wa wa WA WA) how about baby’s first book I picked this out it has a little mirror in it (pause) (wa wa wa wa wa WA) okay okay jesus you really are a bit high maintenance even for a baby (wa wa wa wa wa) do you ever stop crying? (wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa) okay I’ll stand and bounce okay how’s that? (tearful pause) [bounce bounce . . . . bounce bounce] this is boring Dawglet let’s go for another walk (wa wa wa WA WA WA WA WA) how can you not like a stoller all babies like strollers didn’t they give you the manual or what? (wa wa WA WA WA WA) okay the damn sling again then (tearful pause, tearful sigh) this is not terribly comfortable ya know it’s a good thing you smell really good (wa) o don’t start (wa) o crap here come neighbors (SMILE coo coo) are you kidding me? (SMILE) [o what a cute baby bla bla how old is it bla bla whatever] (SMILE coo coo) o sure go Chinese for the neighbors why dontcha (I was networking)

This is my last post about hating Wisconsin. Ever. No, seriously.

Chicago extends this far north now. As shacks built on stilts fall into the ground, mini chalets (and sometimes not so mini ones) go up in their place. Imagine that over the course of 5-10 years, Ann Arbor Michigan constructs itself over the face of Nocona Texas. On one side is a Starbucks, on the other is Jerry Springer. They meet, like worlds colliding, at the Asian take out place at the edge of town.

My sister grew up here, she folded it in. D. grew up here, hated it, got over it. I moved here displaced. At the start of 5^th grade, I had a stack of white leatherette bibles I’d won for memorizing the book of Ruth in the burb-church outside Chicago. By the end of the same year, I was at least an hour from a McDonald’s in any direction and I was thinking “How you gonna get gas for the generator after the “apocalypse” ya fucktards?”

What I mean is, the place in which I was supposed to be forever in a WIC line doesn’t even exist anymore. And likewise DrBitchfaceWhatever killed JerrySpringerGirl. So I’m even, just me. No other there there.

I’m watching the end of 40 yr old Virgin, I love the Aquarius thing especially, and unpacking my bro-in-law’s Transformer collection. As soon as I got here practically, my sis dropped a casserole on her toe and broke it and then she and my mother went down with stomach flu, leaving me the sole proprietor suddenly of a keen fat demanding 3-month old, which is heavenly. We’re gonna take another long country walk . . .

v.2, a little too good

I look relatively okay in NY, but in WI I'm drop dead gorgeous. Not in the cities and pretty summer tourist areas, but underneath that in the boondocks of real WI (i.e. rural America), I get looked at like people look at ya in China, like you have 2 heads. No, whatever, seriously. I always forget the POSITIVELY PONDEROUS factor here. I'm not talking about balancing tits/no-tits in the management of healthy pudge, which I'm usually falling on the wrong side of anyway, I'm not talking you got an Apple Bottom, I'm not even talking morbidly obese, I'm talking HUMUNGO (and not uncommonly you need some more teeth). I'm talking about on a regular basis, folks expect ya to take up two chairs at the diner. The pink shorts you're wearing are a Yugo. Etc. We're all a result of genes and health habits, and so in middle America that means your shit sticks to shit and pretty soon you just look like Utter Shit. What I saw at the Asian take-out place down the street from my dad's really should not be repeated, like veeeeery bad words. At home, I get the "these are your kids? you look too young to have kids" bla bla every few weeks, but from the Eggroll at the Home Depot sending out feeler. Here it is every time I go anywhere and from women mostly, who are AGOG. My friend D. says she gets that so much here going around w her kids, that if it doesn't happen for a whole day there's something wrong. Meanwhile, oddly, every third guy is seriously scrawny and pale and wearing black jeans and hiking boots (it's, um, June) and a mullet, like detritus from the Def Leopard Planet. Being a show stopper is fun at first, but for someone whose petals close at hello it's gonna get nerve wracking fast, and besides, when I die don't want St. Peter booking me for Pride. If you go down for Pride, then your neighborhood in hell is full of Republicans wearing "My God is Right One" t-shirts and John Tesch reading emails that kiss his own ass is piped in 24/7. I don't know what is happening over in the Lust hell-hood, but it's gotta be more exciting, just logically speaking. After a week here, my ass will still be relatively small but my head will be so big I'll barely be able to get it in the van to get myself back to Reality.

Wisconsin 1 - So far So Good

Got in at about 1 a.m., then stayed up drinkin' beer and yacking w the old man until 4. At 8 a.m., he wakes me w coffee ready, he's already grocery shopped for the kids' faves, and he's off to build a deck for the day.

So yeah, um, he's the same ol' same ol', the only person I know who can out-spaz me. Still, at 66. He says he feels great, that he was just pissed (to have cancer) but now he's over it. He says he doesn't need to hit 100, that 80 is fine, that "ya can't even piss straight after that anyway." But man is he full of the one-liner-wisdoms. Now that he's got the credibility of croaking, he just lets em fly relentless. My fave of last night: "Do the the things you like best, do only those things, and now that you know what a shitpile looks like, don't step in so many."

Hard to argue w that one.

"This Time (I'm Gonna Try It My Way)," DJ Shadow

This is me in WI - somethingorother hiding as an inanimate object which is playing the part of 'show dog whose ass doesn't fill a whole chair' - I'm looking askance at the landscaping and thinking either 'if I'm a dog why aren't I somebody's bitch and takin a walk right about now?' or more likely I'm thinking Absolutely Nothing while someone says "doesn't she look good?!'", ya know, like, for an alien life form recently freed from some vague hostage crisis or fiasco or something like that. I got that collar, it's not a real collar, at a thrift store.

Welp, here's hoping for some Wackie Jackie log entries . . .

Gazairïa

virgofrom DmS: "Words express, and distort. And the better they express the more subtle the distortion and the more insidious. But thought is nothing without words. Silence does not often accommodate others."

amen babe, it is a pisser

bonus - adam ant - woman love run
depeche mode - enjoy the silence

with scorpio rising

Music Find of the day, ala All Things Considered. Yes yes, I know NPR is bla bla bloat and K hates it but . . whatever dude you’re like Mikey w the Life Cereal about hating shit, and NPR when I’m making a punkin patch is decent company. (And the patch turned out good – I know how to make the pies from the real punkins and all that oldtime girly crap eh? I made organic strawberry reduction for ice cream sundaes today too, like this is 1950 – if I had an apron, I’d border on kinky at that point.)

Sean Hayes – Elizabeth Sways
Mark Farina w/ Sean Hayes vocal – Dream Machine [folksmoove, love this]
Sean Hayes – Flowering Spade

somebody find me a copy of “Cool Hand” or I guess I could buy it

I failed. (big surprise) I redoubled my efforts towards goodwill and composed action, because I could tell that I was battling a hateful undertow left over from yesterday. So I helped the boys make father’s day presents for their father and his father. We made colored paper picture frames and I dug up old photos. We made a mixed cd for Opa – Ears wanted country, so I let him have Whiskey Girl and 10 Rounds of Cuervo. I was aiming for generosity of spirit, all the way around.

I was still a bit iffy, so I walked the park a couple of times too besides running at the gym. I got my nails done and a pedicure, hoping for a reason to look pretty soon. I went and bought vitamins, green tea extract. What is restorative to my body usually works on my head too.

Then I went to get shorts for the kids and a slip for myself bc those vintage ebay dresses tend to let your ass show through. I was doing my thing, mulling textiles.

Then I got run over.

Ya know people who will swerve to hit a cat or a bird on purpose? Well a guy on one of those disabled (often fat assed) scooters swerved to run me down. He clipped me first in the Achilles tendon, which got caught between the wheel and wheel guard so that I couldn’t pull loose easily, and when I did and fell backwards, he gunned it and ran over my other foot. He smiled and drove on. He was with a couple of teenage boys, his sons presumably, the younger of which rolled his eyes like “not again” while the older one helped me up, said “Sorry” and shrugged and then ran to catch up with the asshole on wheels. I was still kind of holding it together, but I was limping and moving too slowly not to have to watch a white trash mother scream at her two-year-old and yank her along by the arm while the kid said “ow mama”and sucked her thumb . . .

I got to the van just in time to sob. To hate disabled people and wish them all dead. To hate people and to wish them all dead. To go under the tide of sad and bitter and missing my own father, resenting the stupid god damn hallmark bullshit holiday to put me in that mood, rooted here instead. To, in short, feel utterly sorry for myself and then pissed about that too, at myself and at everyone else. [update: x-dad-in-law sent me the sweetest email about TJ . . . X is full of shit, playing people off each other like a little kid trying to get the best deal . . . insert 'fatigued maternalesque sigh' here]

It really is hard to stand tall when you’re small.

marshall tucker - can't you see - one of my dad's faves, a pang of familiar delight rings through me at the first notes.

I decided: I will eat an entire pint of haagen daz. And I did.

I had a day. I’m not sure if it was a bad day or not. Someone put my huge front yard planter of flowers into my own wheelbarrow and rolled off with it, for starters – Father’s Day presumably was the motivator. I liked those flowers, yet I do like to give presents. I hope somebody was delighted by them. But I have also an urge to slap the shit outa the person who did that, which makes me feel ungenerous while being violated = kinda icky. I’m gonna try harder to feel like I donated it. (hrrmph)

Then I had what was to be my last pre-filing mediation counsel meeting, the decree to come by mail shortly hereafter. Buuuuut it turns out that if I’d rather, although it would be more time and money, I can file for nullification in WI instead. That is, by WI state law, I was never legally married to X, so . . . so there ya go. We’re in the last weeks of a marriage that doesn’t exist actually. I could ignore that or not. I could undo it, or break it. Further, the reason why this is the case is that, though we lived apart for most of that time, I was technically married to Mark for a decade (i.e. until just 3 weeks prior to my marriage, and hence the illegality because there was supposed to have been a minimum of 6 months) . . . aaaaaand just prior our split, Mark got in a car wreck and got another DUI. So, again, by the laws of that state, it was my choice to nullify or divorce because undisclosed substance abuse is a grounds for annulment (I had no idea he was still drinking then). It feels uncanny that I could have been always married, or never. Still, I actually don’t mind having been married to Mark. We were kids, and we birthed each other into adulthood as well as we could. His worst offense is smoking pot all day and talking to flora, harmful to nobody but himself. He never intentionally frightened me – he kind of stands out that way as it turns out.

X, though, is a different story. He is the darkest mirror I look into.


I need to believe in the things I believe in. I believe that regret is a sin, for lack of a better word for it. It is self-betrayal, and thus detrimental to the soul. It is a waste of time, and thus disrespectful to time. It is a disavowal of all the effects of every decision – some of these being obviously desirable, like the little boys I have, which to regret would appall me; moreover though, such a disavowal presumes that I could know and understand the range of those effects fully, which would be arrogant as I am not God. If I did not believe these things, I would risk bitterness. I would dwell on the way language became an unsafe place for me, a ring of fire that I cowered in.

Maybe in that cheerful Wisconsin voice at the Clerk of Courts office, I heard the universe offering me a way to not have been bound in covenant to that after all.

Perry Como ~ Papa Loves Mambo

a new one from I&W - (I love this guy):
Iron & Wine - Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car
bonus: Jose Gonzalez - Stay In the Shade it's hot today

jolie holland - stubborn beast

My religion makes no sense
and does not help me
therefore I pursue it.

When we see
how simple it would have been
we will thrash ourselves.

I had a vision
of all the people in the world
who are searching for God

massed in a room
on one side
of a partition

that looks
from the other side
(God’s side)

transparent
but we are blind.
Our gestures are blind.

Our blind gestures continue
for some time until finally
from somewhere

on the other side of the partition there we are
looking back at them.
It is far too late.

We see how brokenly
how warily
how ill

our blind gestures
parodied
what God really wanted

(some simple thing).
The thought of it
(this simple thing)

is like a creature
let loose in a room
and battering

to get out.
It batters my soul
with its rifle butt.

Glass, Irony and God - Anne Carson

the jasper journal

Snoooooooooooooooore.
[shove]
What?
You’re snoring.
Well now that I’m awake, I’m going to lick my crotch.
Gross, no you’re not. I’ll throw you, I mean it.
Fine. Then I want to sleep on your chest.
No, that’s too much togetherness. Feet only.
I don’t like your boney feet.
Tough shit pal, you’re not sleeping on anything in the northern hemisphere of this bed.
[shuffle shuffle]
HEY.
What? It’s just the shins for Christ sake.
Why do you have to sleep ON me? [shove] Get on the pillow I bought you, or the other one I bought you or the tacky rug I bought you, or the brown couch I bought you.
[shuffle shuffle .. . . . chewchewgnawchew]
What the hell is that?
This big gross bone you got me . . . . you’re such a loser. You knew I was going to CHEW it, duh.
Get bent.
Whatever, I'm the only game in town tonight loserbabe.
Your haircut looks like Wittgenstein's.
Whose idea was that?
And even the mutt with emphysema downstairs can take you.
Okay okay, don't get all pissy, let's make up. I'll let you pet my ass.

"Hai Samurai (Pilooski edit)," Yellow Power

They killed them all but then right at the very last second they didn’t, sort of. Suspended now in anxiety forever unto boredom.

Top 10 Moments In "Sopranos History" from MSNBC – I think they should have included Janis shooting the boyfriend for slapping her then saying “Ok, so maybe I overreacted.”

Tindersticks - Running Wlld (Album Version) [MP3]

.

way over town

Ray Charles – I Got a Woman

Jimmy Smith – I got a woman

bonus-John Mayer Trio – I got a woman [live]

Jenny Owen Youngs - Hot In Herre (Nelly cover)
Erasure - A Little Respect (acoustic)
Calla - Defenses Down

mutemath - new transformers theme (I'm not too sure about this . . . sometimes it seems okay and then it goes DEVO and then goes hip hop-ish something . . . maybe I'm just resistant to change, but I don't think Oakenfold mixed this version.)

The Decemberists - Think About Me [Fleetwood Mac cover]

Beck – True Love Will Find You In The End [Daniel Johnson cover]

Jason Webley w/Reverend Peyton - Rock Me Mama [Dylan]

!!! - heart of hearts

lay low - mojo love
(web)

According to Enneagram of Personality theory the points of the Enneagram figure indicate a number of ways in which nine principal ego-archetypal forms or types of human personality (also often called "Enneatypes") are psychologically connected.

People of each Enneatype are usually referred to after the number of the point on the Enneagram figure (Eights, Fours, Sixes etc.) that indicates their particular psychological space and 'place' of connection to the other types. They are also often given names that suggest some of their more distinctive archetypal characteristics.

Brief descriptions of the nine Enneatypes are as follows:

Ones: Reformers, Critics, Perfectionists

People of this personality type are focused on personal integrity. Ones can be wise, discerning and inspiring in their quest for the truth. They also tend to dissociate themselves from their flaws or what they believe are flaws (such as negative emotions) and can become hypocritical and hyper-critical of others, seeking the illusion of virtue to hide their own vices. The greatest fear of Ones is to be flawed and their ultimate goal is perfection.

Ego fixation: resentment
Holy idea: perfection
Passion: anger
Virtue: serenity
Stress point: Four
Security point: Seven

Twos: Helpers, Givers, Caretakers

Twos, at their best, are compassionate, thoughtful and astonishingly generous but they can also be particularly prone to clinginess and manipulation. Twos want, above all, to be loved and needed and fear being unworthy of love.

Ego fixation: flattery
Holy idea: freedom
Passion: pride
Virtue: humility
Stress point: Eight
Security point: Four

Threes: Achievers, Performers, Succeeders

Highly adaptable and changeable. Some Threes walk the world with confidence and unstinting authenticity; others wear a series of public masks, acting the way they think will bring them approval and losing track of their true self. Threes are motivated by the need to succeed and to be seen as successful.

Ego fixation: vanity
Holy idea: hope
Passion: deceit
Virtue: truthfulness
Stress point: Nine
Security point: Six

Fours: Romantics, Individualists, Artists

Fours are driven by the desire to understand themselves and find a place in the world. They often fear that they have no identity or personal significance. Fours embrace individualism and are often profoundly creative and intuitive. However, they have a habit of withdrawing to internalize, searching desperately inside themselves for something they never find and creating a spiral of depression.

Ego fixation: melancholy
Holy idea: originality
Passion: envy
Virtue: equanimity
Stress point: Two
Security point: One

Fives: Observers, Thinkers, Investigators

Fives are motivated by the desire to understand the world around them, specifically in terms of facts. Believing they are only worth what they contribute, Fives have learned to withdraw, to watch with keen eyes and speak only when they can shake the world with their observations. Sometimes they do just that. However, some Fives are known to withdraw from the world, becoming reclusive hermits and fending off social contact with abrasive cynicism. Fives fear incompetency or uselessness and want to be capable and knowledgeable above all else.

Ego fixation: stinginess
Holy idea: omniscience
Passion: avarice
Virtue: detachment
Stress point: Seven
Security point: Eight

Sixes: Loyalists, Devil's Advocates, Defenders

Sixes long for stability above all else. They exhibit unwavering loyalty and responsibility, but once betrayed, they are slow to trust again. They are particularly prone to fearful thinking and emotional anxiety as well as reactionary and paranoid behavior. Sixes tend to to react to their fears either in a phobic manner by avoiding fearful situations or by confronting them in a counterphobic manner.

Ego fixation: cowardice
Holy idea: faith
Passion: fear
Virtue: courage
Stress point: Three
Security point: Nine

Sevens: Enthusiasts, Adventurers, Sensationalists

Sevens are adventurous and busy with many activities with all the energy and enthusiasm of the Puer Aeternus. At their best they embrace life for its varied joys and wonders and truly live in the moment but, at their worst, they dash frantically from one new experience to another, too scared of disappointment to actually enjoy themselves. Sevens fear being unable to provide for themselves or to experience life in all of its richness.

Ego fixation: planning
Holy idea: work
Passion: gluttony
Virtue: sobriety
Stress point: One
Security point: Five

Eights: Leaders, Protectors, Challengers

Eights value their own strength and desire to be powerful and in control. They concern themselves with self-preservation. They are natural leaders, who can be either friendly and charitable or dictatorially manipulative, ruthless and willing to destroy anything in their way. Eights seek control over their own lives and destinies and fear being harmed or controlled by others.

Ego fixation: vengeance
Holy idea: truth
Passion: excess (lust)
Virtue: innocence
Stress point: Five
Security point: Two

Nines: Mediators, Peacemakers, Preservationists

Nines are ruled by their empathy. At their best they are perceptive, receptive, gentle, calming and at peace with the world. They also, however, tend to dissociate from conflicts and to indifferently go along with others people's wishes. They may also simply withdraw and act via inaction. They fear the conflict caused by their ability to simultaneously understand opposing points of view and seek peace of mind above all else. Nines are especially prone to dissociation and passive-aggressive behaviour.

Ego fixation: indolence
Holy idea: love
Passion: laziness (sloth)
Virtue: action
Stress point: Six
Security point: Three

Jenny Owen Youngs - Fuck Was I

SON OF A PREACHER MAN
Dusty Springfield
Dusty in Memphis
Atlantic : 1969
[Buy It]

SON OF A PREACHER MAN
Aretha Franklin
This Girl's In Love With You
Atlantic : 1970
[Buy It]

SON OF A PREACHER MAN
Mavis Staples
Only The Lonely
Stax : 1970
[Buy It]

SON OF A PREACHER MAN
Honey Cone
Take Me With You
Hot Wax : 1970
Available on: Soulful Sugar: The Complete Hot Wax Recordings
Castle : 2002
[Buy It]

SON OF A PREACHER MAN
The Gaylettes
Available on: Reggae Sisters
Trojan : 2003
[Buy It]

being good isn't always easy

dwight yoakam - little ways
dierks bentley - a long trip alone
wilco - either way