Nikki Lane - Can't Say Shit

 

Coming back into my skin, "little by little" as my mama observed. "I think it started to turn around when you went off to shoot guns, your eyes sparkled and those barrel chested dudes looked good to you." They were nice, and patient, methodical. (Us: 🤭) 

sturgill - turtles all the way down

patti smith - summertime sadness (lana del ray) 

still fucking the clock

flying colors

Now all I need is 4 people in Erie County who know me and who will answer the phone (nobody I know answers the phone) to vouche for my not being nuts (TOO nuts) for the application for the permit which will take 6-8 months (during which time I cannot practice shooting pistols before purchasing one [but I can shoot Sarahconnor the bazuka all I want]) then once I get the permit (if any of my squirrely friends answered the fucking phone) (and if TJs stupid joke about killing folks on Twitter hasn't tainted the water) I have go to Pennsylvania and get a nonresident permit which is recognized in the state of Nebraska (where I will have been living for 5-7 months) (maybe) which does not grant nonresident permits in its own right but will recognize one you went to Pennsylvania to get because gun laws are as irrational as they are completely ineffective (as demonstrated by an unsuccessful potshot at the Dictator to spice up the vibe during gun class weekend). 

It was fun.

fire away - my type

Us: (rocking like grannies on the porch of the cottage in matching adirondack chairs)

Me (singing quietly): this current time is just one of those times

Her: I love that song

Me: the cottage is holding up, as a crazy decision I made

Her: you've made a lot of good decisions

Me: I'm thinking hard about them, and the crazier ones hold up best, right?

Her: like what was so crazy?

Me: a PhD in English jumps to mind

Her: it's been amazing, your life

Me: Ma, don't say that like it's over 🤨 my point is that it's the endingS plural that I regret 🤔

Her: 🤔

Me: I mean I can't regret A-hole because if not for him, there wouldn't be the kids

Her: right, although he was a cruel bastard, I never hated anyone like I hated him

Me: bullshit 🤨

Her: chuckle

Me: I'm just saying, I can't regret starting because without starting(s) then I wouldn't get the kids in the during(s)

Her: right

Me: so starting(s) are good

Her: I see

Me: and durings are okay, some good stuff happens during 

Her: right

Me: so it's just the endings mostly - I should have spent time with Mark at The End, I'll always regret not doing that

Her: yea but you always think stuff like that after somebody dies so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Me: I should have murdered A-hole

Her: definitely!, a fork right to his balls

Us: gigglegiggle

Me: I don't think that's fatal

Her: not right away

Us: hahahahaha

Me: And as for Aaron..

Her: it was all good

Us: HAHAHAHAHA

Her: 

Me: not allll of it but

Us: gigglegiggle gigglegigglegggle

Her: you had so much fun

Me: you can't even imagine

Her: I heard it through the wall, every night!, every day!

Us: HAHAHAHAHA 

Her: remember when he got Marilyn Monroe? 

Us: (we both do the pose) HAAAHAHAHA 🤣🤣

Her: god, he was funny

Me: he was

Her: and so cute

Me: the gap 

Us: giggggggggggle

Her: I'll never forget him showing me the tattoo on his ass

Me: that was pretty crazy

Her: how could you make that cute ass better?! you thought of a way!! 🤭

Us: Hahaha HAHAHAHA

Me: I should have given him the hug goodbye, but otherwise 

Her: worth it.

Me: totally.  

Us: (rocking)

Me: so to review, STARTINGS are good overall, DURINGS can be okay...

Her: and this is a DURING now

Me: yes, and we can't keep holding it against Nebraska that he's not a Trainwreck

Her: or Greek

Us: GIGGGGGLE 🤭🤭

Me: if it comes through, Nebraska will offer me a new Starting, here during his During

Her: 🤔 I see 

Me: I think I actually want to go work in Omaha for a spell 🤔

Us: (rocking)

chris stapleton - trying to untangle my mind 4 more days 

#cottagelifeMary

Play me a song? Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry 

Well, they do cry when they're so angry that ragetears fly out their nipples 🤨 

I've stopped crying, but the fire is just banked.