“I don’t want to live the wrong life and then die.” 

 it means STRONG in Morse code

"The breaking of so great a thing should make a greater crack."~ WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, Antony and Cleopatra

butterknife

Nebraska is driving to WI to fetch She Who Is My Mother and bringing her to me. Because I need my mommy because I am losing my mind because it is Christmas without lights × pandemic / slowburn life crisis. 

Thank. God.

My mother has no money and no practical skills at all unless you count passive aggression and painting flowers on anything and everything, but she brings me Love and Understanding. 

losing my mind photo essay

head explodi

ng emoji

update: another insomnia thought: why/how did I stop enjoying the fact that I can do whatever I want (?)...

So I grubhubbed an egg mcmuffin meal to eat in bed because I can. 

styx - too much tine on my hands (high rec retro)

Bonus - wtf that big girl can do it and I just wind up hitting myself in the face uncoordinated af 🤯🤣

he doesn't judge 

against the odds

Brad Sucks - All Right Now 

New shit, 2021. And not bad. 

what I am worried about

Being depressed and not being able to distinguish that from unhappiness and having to just have faith that that will resolve somehow someway bc I can't DO ANYTHING except tread water harder getting nowhere but stillalive. Not wanting to talk to anyone and having to do so anyway, all the time, about as little as possible because I can't tell anyone anyrealthing. Then all the practical things like housing and food costs and winding up in my kids' scathing memoirs. Cancer. Climate catastrophe. That I can smell the pea soup burning but can't care enough to go turn it down, that'll bite me in the ass in a couple hours ... it's kind of an EVERYTHING could use a un-sucky make-over which would be okay if I felt like I could ACCOMPLISH THAT but I cant, I don't know how. Hence I am crying since I'm not good at being lousy at life without a clue, it's a bitter pill to have to swallow, I'm just suddenly lousy-at-life, god what a shitty lifestage, like a mid-life extended pre-eulogy inner monologue nonstop 😖

My problem is not the pandemic. It is that the pandemic traps me inside with my self. If I had a better self, I'd be fine.

Is there a good song for that?

there but for the grace of God

70 mph wind warning playlist

Update

Lizzo's "tiny ass desk"  

Elle King and Miranda Something - Drunk

Walker Hayes - AA

The wind is moving fast n furious. I ain't moving at all.

love affair

 

 TJ Sue

 love affair

omicron sounds like a Transformer

 

Like that meme where the guy doesn't often drink whatever but when he does it's some stupid one-liner: I don't often post on Dec firsts, but when I do it's historically redundant ("relevant")

re

post