I shazamd it while in The Girl's car listening to the local BLK station today.
(Huh.)
Monday, October 25, 2021
I thought I would post yet another picture of the current love of my life, Dball, the way he rolls over as the sun comes up, tummy offered for me to rub my fingers on.
But. For whatever reason, blogger pulled up this instead of a blank page. About which I have been thinking a lot again lately. Talking in my head. Writing in my head. To whom? My youngest daughter mostly, the child who took the most amount of damage from the upbringing I gave them. I tried so hard to shield them from the awfulness of life, but I couldn't shield them from having been born to me. I couldn't shield anybody, including myself, from me. Now I don't "do me" much anymore. I don't write (here or anywhere). I don't find music or stare into my own eyes for 90 hot minutes. I don't evoke myself. I have had a man in my life for going on two years about whom I have written nothing and to whom I do not speak of my past or my inner life.
It is like Myself is inside my chest, a wild animal of feelingthought, and I keep her caged there and barely fed and drugged enough to not be ABLE to DO. And in that way, I think that I will keep myself from doing any more damage to anyone.
Saturday, October 23, 2021
Friday, October 22, 2021
Check up today, she needs to gain weight. Avocados for breakfast from now on. Can you imagine getting a high fat breakfast followed by a warm bath *every day*? Not to diminish the struggle of CF, I get that. But still..If you have CF and you're very loved, it might set you up to expect the world as a giveashit universe wherein brunch and a soak are a typical part of daily life. Which IT AIN'T (!!)
Sunday, October 17, 2021
Wednesday, October 06, 2021
neil diamond - the grass won't pay no mind (Elvis cover)
They killed Crow, and I fumed that if he'd been a bald eagle (white), it wouldn't have been like that. But west nile is west nile. Dying is death and a natural part of life. Why can't we do it better??
