fink, this is the thing

Teeth
Knees
Eyes
Memory
Like these, the heart can fail to last a lifetime.

Extract
Replace with plastic
Protect from sunlight
Live as it crumbles, becoming fragments,
seizing bolts of random feeling.

It is my firm conviction that human nature is essentially compassionate and gentle. That is the predominant feature of human nature. Anger, violence, and aggression may arise, but on a secondary or more superficial level; in a sense, they arise when we are frustrated in our efforts to achieve love and affection. ~Dalai Lama

thank god xmas is over - but new years eve looms

I can't figure out how to get the cable to work on the tv. It took 2 dudes on 2 separate occasions of favors their wives made them do for me to get it outa the car and then outa the box, and after all that I can't figure out how to make the pic the same size as the tv, so it's a shitty little tv screen in a thingy as big as a house.

Cal is fine. And ON MY NERVES.

The back of my neck feels one inch long, my shoulders hunched tight around me ears, pressure behind my 3rd eyeball.

Cal threw up his xmas dinner Exorcist-style - I spent the night reading ft. sleeping at his feet on the couch. Can 3d f up your equilibrium? He seems ok now . .

Sigh. It's harder to fight depression when you're overtired.

tron in 3d - the place was jammed - a sea of glasses on eager faces atop xmas clothes - the white stripes ft eurythmics, sweet dreams are made of seven nation army - hold your head up

shamans drum dance - david and steve gordon. ‎"Presence allows communication and communication seeks communion." ~ Louis Martinie

VIRGO The way you unite people is heartening. You remind everyone that we are in this together.

what's the altitude f hymnal - cut chemist

the I'm outa here ft. nobody cares if you go card (or travel . . . last time I pulled it about him, FPH was in Boston, but this time my vaulted intuition says "if you're standing around talking to yourself, you might as well walk away, nobody will f'n notice ft. you're a f'n loser and you ain't getting a hockey magnet for xmas either ya stupid bitch. p.s. that tv isn't getting itself outa that box, so you're fucked btw")

Eight of Cups
In search of something missing in life. Searching for a piece of the puzzle to a loving relationship or fulfilling life. A person in search of loving partner. Patterns have been repeated only to give same outcome. A letting go. Going forth alone to find happiness and fulfillment. Improvement of a difficult situation. New hope and vitality. Weariness and apathy.

VIRGO You might be looking for help and love in all the wrong places. Think about the person you want to meet and the particular traits and skills this person needs to have in order to coexist with you in the way you prefer.

bored bla except for banging djembe



I'm w the kid (the YO! at 13 sec's slays me! omg adults suck ass compared to that, you can keep your bullshit, yo)

Polyrhythms in tap dance can also be obsverved in the relation of dancer to musician, the dancer steps inside the rhythms of the musicians. . a Dan dancer from the northeast of Liberia demonstrate[s] the dancer/drummer relationship: "He enters the ring in the village square first to salute the 'master drummer', to 'get his motion', ie to settle the basic rhythm. He then begins a toe-dragging sequence, kept simple, because the drummer is studying his motion. Slowly he develops his dance; he must keep the drummer active with counter-balances of percussive footwork." ~Kariamu Welsh-Asante, African Dance

yeah like that - like earlier today when I played Shorty (the drum) for the first time (jeesh is he loud, holy crap, no place to hide while you're learning w that dude as your drum, ha) in the group, then stopped a while and I was reading a book and kind of dancing, then started dancingdancing and the drums all picked it up, and if they'd stop then I'd have to stop but vice versa too. Sunnie drifted from bongos, ie supporting my dancing, to dancing herself, and back again.

after 24 hours of making music like that, I see pretty clearly that it's like yoga in that it'll subtley change my signature vibration as I'm just standing around Being whatever, my molecules will reorganize around the practice.

old fave imogen is also getting into trancedance, the chillversion soundtrack to which is otherwise known as smoove

imogen heap ft trentmoeller - colatron - headlock someones missing

(meanwhile, suuuuuuucks asssssss, lordy they'r all kindsa useless)

project your energy in arcs of grace and gratitude

Might there be a message for you in the mist on the window? Can you find a clue to the next phase of your destiny by scanning a newspaper that the wind blows against your leg as you're walking? Be alert for the undertones, Virgo. Tune in to the subtexts. Scan the peripheries for the future as it reveals itself a little early. You never know when the hidden world might be trying to slip you a tip. You should be alert for the deeper storylines weaving themselves just below the level where the supposedly main plot is unfolding.

I went to the spiral dance again last night, the annual winer solstice drumming thing. I danced frontcenter: I can be possessed. It's partly a yoga ability, since I've been practicing yoking my spirit to my body and getting my mind outa the way for years now, and that's what the drumming is also for - I'm good at it, being a DrumEE, better all the time (though I have months of set-back too), I can lose self-consciousness. (I'd like to dance on hotcoals someday.)

Then I came home and meditated, cz once your mind is already out of the way, you can get a lot deeper.

There's an eclipse coming up - the lunar eclipse from midnight-6 a.m. on Tuesday 21st will be a whopper. We will be able to see the whole thing from here unless there's cloud cover, and it's going to be one of the longest in modern history, nearly 3 hours visible (+3 of pre-darkening and pre-lightening on either side of that = 6 total). It's gonna look like one of those things that if you weren't all modern and sophisticated, like if you couldn't scientifically explain away what you were looking at, it'd scare the mother fucking shit outa you. Because of the phase of the moon at the time, It's going to hit mutable signs (long astral explanation short: Gemini, Virgo, Pisces) and and it comes on the cusp of Capricorn rising. The eclipse is on the soltice, the longest night of the year, (that won't happen again til 2094). Full moons can be scary (just ask Norfolk), eclipses double the effect, soltices quadroople that, kinda like a cluster fuck to the 10th power basically.

So anyway, I meditated for a few hours, an hour before sleep then again at 4:00 like a good yogini. Most of what came to me is notwords, the rest not easily translated into words. This is though: I'm not sure who my friends are; I'm not entirely sure who is on that list, and I'm not entirely sure who those people are who are on my list; maybe that means you're not sure of me either; it probably does.

the fall - love love this, sounds like someone mercifully scrubbing caked-up shit off your soul - I bought 5 of them ($1/per download) so I could post it without guilt

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: Dare to challenge your loved one's opinions. You'll be respected for this. TAURUS: You like to feel the attention of a partner, but you are in no way looking for someone to take care of you. GEMINI: How do you know someone is falling in love with you? It's in the eyes. CANCER: You don't have to go anywhere expensive or fancy to have a grade-A moment with the one you love. LEO: Your attention and flirtation is very effective. You make others feel good. VIRGO: Whether you've been with your love for years or just a week, you'll share childhood memories and bond like never before. LIBRA: You listen carefully, and you never betray the confidence of your friends. SCORPIO: Someone approaches you for comfort, and you deliver it. SAGITTARIUS: You are not demanding, but you do expect your dates to behave on par with certain very reasonable social standards. CAPRICORN: Your eyes adore your loved one, even when you're trying to convey frustration or disappointment. Face it, you are head over heels. AQUARIUS: Loved ones have a hidden need to be challenged by you. PISCES: Your ambition and drive will attract those who have similar attributes.

Mercury's retrograde in Capricorn is in full swing. This transit combined with a restless void-of-course moon makes for some interesting delays. There is nothing that is inherently designed to make you frustrated and impatient. Feeling that way is always a choice. Consider that however time may be unfolding, it's happening at the perfect rate.

update: I took the bongos back. Virgos do not play bongoes. Alone this time (Sunnie, god bless her, is a fun slut like my mom), I chose a djembe. He's short, weighs a ton, makes loud sudden sounds, has a booming empty place of bass in his middle if you tap him just right, is an immigrant (from a vague point of origin, "coafrica"). All the drummers on hand told me that this one, although you'd never guess right off, cz he didn't cost all that much and wasn't painted/blinged at all etc etc, was THE drum, the only REAL one in the room full of em. Carved by hand from a solid log of mahogany, visible gouges, a head made of thick goathide.

So, I took him home. We have to get through the gettoknowyou stage now, but he makes good sounds already, he's cueing up some good noise for me right off. I honestly appreciate that.

Exploding is not slow like burning
a bridge takes some time.

A self of secrets like a clutch of eggs,
out of reach, protected so they tell you
your bleeding animal instincts.

Crossing to within shouting distance,
not close enough to whisper,
lighting little fires one by one,
where we would step used for kindling.

Until the bridge is gone.
There are no intimate enemies if we are alone.
(An insane assumption.)

One of us is on the continent presumably.
Either you leave me on a prison island of safety,
or I leave you on one.
But no. We putter.
Hugging the opposite shores,
hoping for the best over there where you are
over here where I am.
Not bothering to shout the obvious question into the wind.

get off - 7:10-7:50, still cracking me up, omg this dude is so god damn funny

bongos suck ass, stuuupid

If you have drawn Hawk reversed, it may be because something in your life has
become too painful to feel, too unbelievable to hear, or too dark to see . . . .

I got a set of bongos, trying to learn how to play them - it's wayyyy harder than this seems



I think I might be hand-eye-coordination flat-out retarded - but I wanna be able to play along with this esp around the 5 minute lull and swell. Je suis ze grande zombi but for the boyz singing "come kill the unicorn corn!", their giggles drawing me back.

VIRGO Your focus is strong. You will be prone to anchor yourself on a single subject. The trick is to pick one worthy of the energy and passion that you are likely to pour into it.

VIRGO Usually, when you treat others right, they will treat you right, too. Unfortunately, the scale of right and wrong is not made up of a standardized system of measurement. Everyone thinks of this differently.

stunningly apparent

VIRGO You are made up of more energy than physical matter. It's a strange thing to realize, but once you do, you will be able to control your world to a much greater extent.

ala mercury retrograde, I never did make it anywhere last night, but blessing in disguise: it was better to be home, in front of my fire, with a friend listening to music and working some stuff out in my aching head.

then at 8:30ish this morning, the phone rings, M from work, the queen of hurt feelings, got attacked really nutty bad at 3 a.m. by dragqueen of hurt feelings - luckily the attack was contained by technology (email/phone) and that dragqueen lives across the border, cz she was clearly drunk and I know has had to have cops called to a domestic disturbance (she beats up her girlfriends) at least once and she is a scary harpy let me tell ya. . . . and so, well, what's she gonna do?, what can she do?, she can't open her work email without finding some seriously nutty accusations and f-bombs galore in crazyass changing font sizes and whatnot, and she can't not open her work emails or answer her office phone cz that's part of her job . . . sooooo, well, logically enough she calls the Faculty President.

ha. I can't even get a tv out of my car, it took me literally 3 days to manage that, and now the tv is defrosting in my dining room, me with no clue how to plug it in or move the old one out of the way, etc. I'm on the phone with M as Sunnie's men are moving the frozen tv inside finally (glumly hahaha) and I'm telling M the tv story as its current chapter is unfolding, and so at least I could make her laugh.

but then I had to say "I'll figure something out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm supposed to do something, and I'll figure it out." and I haven't even the foggiest notion. that nutty bitch is tenured, almost impossible to even censure, and really is starting to feel like someone who's gonna end up on the news. my only idea so far: get her to punch me. (ya know you get your enemy to hang from the end of a rope? answer: give them a lot of it and wait.) then I can get her fired and physically removed from the campus. (but what if she shoots me instead? that's the rub) I wish I were entirely kidding.

fyi mercury just went into retrograde til the 30th - expect the worst

(yes I have been blogging nothing, bc Nothing is what I've had to say)

in case you have a lovelife:
WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: Relationships take time to develop. The magic happens when you're not trying so hard. TAURUS: Listen fully -- no interrupting. Being too quick on the uptake will make your love feel rushed. GEMINI: You're not trying to charm anyone, and that's probably why others find you so charming. CANCER: The positive associations and feelings you have for a person may have very little to do with who that person really is. LEO: Some of your best times will happen in the space between the main events. VIRGO: Your upright posture is most alluring. Besides, slouching makes you feel depressed! LIBRA: You and a loved one will pitch in equally to ease a burden. SCORPIO: Though there's a lot to be said for planning ahead, ultimately, it's your creativity that brings a date to life. SAGITTARIUS: Love thrives when you give equal credence to the practical and the frivolous. CAPRICORN: There's much to be said for basic pleasantries, especially between couples who have been together for ages. AQUARIUS: Emotional warmth and kindness trump animal magnetism. PISCES: When you ask questions geared toward getting a positive response, that's what you'll get.

eating pizza til I bust my britches watching hockey

monday. snow. stomach ache. meetings. no fun no fun no fun and more no fun

There is a big difference between being direct and being blunt. Yesterday, the lunar influence may have tempted you to state more than was necessary. If you did, you can rectify the resulting hurt feelings under today's affable astral conditions. Humble yourself enough to see the humor in your folly, and others will laugh it off, too -- no harm, no foul.

One afternoon, in the spring before his death, George, his illness consolidating, decided to dictate his memories and anecdotes from his life into a tape recorder. His wife was out shopping and so he took the recorder down to his work desk in the basement. He opened the door between his workshop and tool shop. There was a woodstove in the tool shop, between the drill press and metal lathe. He crumpled up some old newspaper and put it in the stove, along with three logs from the half cord of wood he kept stacked in a remote corner of the shop, near the door to the bulkhead. He lit a fire and adjusted the flue, hoping to warm the concretey chill of the basement. He returned to his desk in the workshop. There was a cheap microphone plugged into the tape machine that would not stay upright on the clip collared around it. The clip was so light that the twist in the wire running from the microphone to the recorder kept flicking it over. George tried to straighten the wire, but the microphone would not stand, so he merely placed it on top of the tape recorder. The levers on the recorder were heavy and required some effort to push down before they clicked into place. Each was labeled with a cryptic abbreviation and George had to experiment with them before he felt confident he had found the right combination for recording his voice. The tape in the recorder had a faded pink label upon which had been typed, Early Blues Compilation, Copyright Hal Broughton, Jaw Creek, Pennsylvania. George recalled that he and his wife had bought the tape at one or another of the Elderhostel college courses they had taken during one or another summers ago. When George first pressed the PLAY lever, a man's voice, thin and remote, warbled about a hellhound on his trail. Rather than rewind the tape, George felt that such a complaint might be a good introduction to his talk, so he just began recording. He leaned forward into the microphone with his arms crossed and resting on the edge of the desk, as if he were answering questions at a hearing. He began formally: My name is George Washington Crosby. I was born in West Cove, Maine, in the year 1915. I moved to Enon, Massachusetts, in 1936. And so on. After these statistics, he found that he could think of only doggerel and slightly obscene anecdotes to tell, mostly having to do with foolish stunts undertaken after drinking too much whiskey during a fishing trip and often enough centered on running into a warden with a creel full of trout and no fishing license, or a pistol that a doctor had brought into the woods: If that pistol is nine millimeters, I'll kiss your bare, frozen ass right out here on the ice; the lyrics to a song called Come Around, Mother, It's Better When You're Awake. And so forth. But after a handful of such stories, he began to talk about his father and his mother, his brother, Joe, and his sisters, about taking night courses to finish school and about becoming a father. He talked about blue snow and barrels of apples and splitting frozen wood so brittle that it range when you split it. He talked about what it is like to be a grandparent for the first time and to think about what it is you will leave behind when you die. By the time the tape ran out about an hour and a half later (after he had flipped it over once, almost without being conscious of doing so), and the RECORD button sprang up with a buzz, he was openly weeping and lamenting the loss of this world of light and hope. So deeply moved, he pulled the cassette from the machine, flipped it back over to the beginning, fitted it back into its snug carriage and capstans and guiding pins, and pressed PLAY, thinking he might preserve such a mood of pure, clean sorrow by listening back to his narrative. He imagined that his memoirs might now sound like those of an admirable stranger, a person he did not know but whom he immediately recognized and dearly loved. Instead, the voice he heard sounded nasaly and pinched and, worse, not very well educated, as if he were a bumpkin who had been called, perhaps even in mockery, to testify about holy things, as if not the testimony but the fumbling through it were the reason for his presence in front of some dire, heavenly senate. He listened to six seconds of the tape before he ejected it and threw it into the fire burning in the woodstove.

I like this.

Meanwhile, what jasper and his retarded little brother are getting for xmas? . . . . tempting. Tj and Ears would LOVE it hahahaha

Although I still haven't gotten my mind wrapped around tv's and all their dizzying specs, I did manage to get one of these today, the last one in New York maybe, since I'd taken to stopping by every day practically just to check to see if maybe one came in and LO! A Miracle! There was ONE!! The salesdude says, "You got lucky today for a change." Ha.

Supposedly, it will play cds and blueray (whatever that is) dvds and stream things from all over the universe and watch me walk across the room and anticipate my every desire (only different). IF I can figure it out, of course, a very big IF.

VIRGO Your approach softens today. You're just not in the mood to move and shake -- you'd rather whisper and glide your way through. You still want what you want, but you're finding a different way to get it.