VIRGO You can't totally control whether you succeed or fail. It's not all in your power. You have much more control over how often you try and how hard -- and also at what point you quit.

cucumbers have wicked souls

my first meeting was at 9 a.m., my last class just ended

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: You will accurately interpret another person's behavior without having to ask where he or she is coming from. TAURUS: Your sign rules the throat, and you have a truly magical power in your voice. Use it! GEMINI: Do you really want the other person to pursue you? If you're sure, you'll make it happen with your mind. CANCER: You can exist in a state of happiness without needing worldly trappings to do so. LEO: You'll attune yourself to what others want and get what you want in return. VIRGO: You can be powerful and tenderhearted all at once -- an astounding talent. LIBRA: Instead of telling your loved ones how you want them to behave, you'll show them. SCORPIO: You'll stop arguing and start understanding and being understood by the other person. SAGITTARIUS: Move into a new relationship phase so you don't have to constantly talk things over -- which, of course, is the opposite of fun! CAPRICORN: Do what it takes to make yourself feel loved and treasured as you should be. AQUARIUS: You take care of yourself in a way that inspires others to take care of you. PISCES: You'll warm the heart of another person just by being you.

went to the exlaws for the holiday . . . ex didn't . . . often I feel like I got his parents as well as his sons in the split, which is fine (ironic, but fine). best story of the night:

Neil, my ex-dad-in-law and substi-fatherfigure since I checked his book outa my school library just before I met him when I was 21 years old (yes, that's half the reason I married his meanass dickhead kid, let's not dwell on it), goes to this one coffee roaster on Elmwood always for the Italian Dark Roast (of course), and he hands the dude the money and the dude asks him for such-n-such change over the amount so he can give back a larger bill rather than ones, but/and N says 'ugh I can't do computations, math makes me feel vulnerable' and the dude says 'MATH makes you feel vulnerable?' and reaches across the counter and grabs his nipple and gives it a good hard twist. apparently he'd asked N to stay and have coffee before and N hadn't gotten the hint. he's so chill, N is, ya know? he's totally taken aback, but then again it's damn good Italian Roast!, soooo hmmmmm upshot: bygones and next time he'll try harder w the math thing if required. guess you had to be there, but he tells this story so deadpan, like 'ain't that the darndest thing?'

insert funny youtube video here - I wish I had one - I want to keep laughing the holiday off. holidays can make me blue and feel like I'm wasting my life some kinda way, even though I had my little men with me and I painted my bedroom and kitchen cabinets and made two pies and even people who by law and custom should hate me they love me instead . . . I dunno why I'm blue, and I don't care, I just don't want to be, I just want to have HBO (which I do not) and laugh at whatever and shrug the feeling off.

Instead I resolve: no more holidays this way. No more "this way", the friends with benefits limbo ft. I am The Queen mojo, I'm done with it, it's no longer empowering it's just lame and lonely.

happy thanksgiving

florence + the machine - heavy in your arms

How to sculpt and lift your cheeks using face yoga

william fitzimmons - I kissed a girl (katy perry), like the cherry chapstick bit a lot


bonus- anomie belle - down

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: You'll pour your energy into doing something creative -- that's more attractive than obsessing over one person. TAURUS: Sports and other physical activities help you release tension and make you feel vital and pleasant. GEMINI: You'll enjoy the company of one as courteous and well mannered as you. CANCER: You'll be charmed by one who may not have the attributes you would normally seek in a person. LEO: Leo men are feeling extremely masculine, and Leo women are feeling extremely feminine. VIRGO: You'll accomplish what was left undone last week and still have time to go out and have some fun. LIBRA: Dating will be fun, especially if you don't call it, officially, a "date." SCORPIO: One of your favorite things to do is to make others laugh. You put a smile on someone's face, and this makes you feel happy, too. SAGITTARIUS: You'll be a challenge to get to know, and that's what keeps others coming back for more. CAPRICORN: Success in love is not about how you look, but how you make the other person feel. AQUARIUS: You admire someone and can't help but steal glances of this person's face, hands and body when you get the chance. PISCES: Others feel grounded and secure in your presence.

"We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly," wrote Anais Nin. "We are mature in one realm, childish in another." In you, Virgo, the discrepancies have been especially apparent. For example, often your brainy insightfulness has been on a hot streak, while your gut wisdom has not. But I suspect this situation to shift in the coming weeks. My reading of the astrological omens suggests that your emotional intelligence is set to thrive. It will be fine if you concentrate on that phenomenon with all your heart, even if it means investing a little less energy in being an analytical whiz.



My gut says that chair is fetchin'

VIRGO For long, lovely stretches of time, your mind will be relaxed and unconcerned about what has already happened or might happen. This is the happiness and peace you deserve to have always.

smoove & turrell - I can't give you up (I do love what gets my butt a'shakin as if it's gotta mind of its own, woop woop)
freddie scott - you got what I need (vintage motown)
DJ M.I.F. - You Got The Bakerman (Florence & The Machine vs. Laid Back vs. Moby vs. Michael Jackson) (mash-up chaser)
urban species & imogen heap - blanket
beautiful girls - after all this time (jackjohnsonesque reggae MUAH chill)

:)

he's been "returned", soooo does this mean that we had BORROWED him some kinda way? (headtilt)

VIRGO It's normal to feel reticent about reaching out to new people. You don't know whether you're going to be accepted, and that makes initiating contact scarier to you than bungee jumping! But do it anyway.

Does it have to be a person? cz I was thinking of getting a fish. . . .

went to this. Ed was one of the producers this year, so I got a front row seat and a pass to the after party (which, musicwise, was way better than the show) - all the best music wasn't listed on the program anywhere - a reggae native fusion band from Oregan named Soul Seed was awesome (can't find a website for them), and a local band called The Brotherhood played great stuff plus houseband back-up for just about everybody of every musical variation. casinos are gross though (COUGH), as are perversely grim miserably coupled people. ie I'm choosing to focus on the good, and shower off the smell of the rest, and now go to sleep smelling like warming scrub in an old t-shirt zzzzz

VIRGO You may be all grown up on the outside, but there is a tender part of you that shows up whenever a certain someone comes around. With this person, you let down your guard and become impressionable.

WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: In order to understand the object of your affection, you must understand what he or she does in a day's time. TAURUS: Friends might influence your romantic choices, but at the end of the day, you'll be happier following your own instincts. GEMINI: Loved ones endear themselves to you through kind comments and compassionate ways. CANCER: You will have more offers than time to accommodate them. LEO: No one can pin down your free spirit, but it doesn't keep certain people from trying. VIRGO: You will selflessly give your love without even thinking about how it's going to come back to you. LIBRA: Your private life is a romantic comedy, complete with hilarious misunderstandings -- all's well that ends well. SCORPIO: You are not in the mood to be pursued. You're more intrigued by the one who stands at a distance and waits for you to come. SAGITTARIUS: Loved ones help to make your domestic life run more smoothly, a sweet gift. CAPRICORN: Someone is waiting for you, bring your A-game. AQUARIUS: You don't have to have all of the same interests as your potential date. But if you have at least three things in common, things will go well. PISCES: You hit it off with the family of your beloved, and this makes him or her love you even more.

I took the boyz to a talk by my mentor - the man has done a lot for me, and desite our being rather different souls, a fact which he assures me he rejects. So we go. It turns out it's a right to life debate (sigh, hate hate these, they're the WWF of academic debates).

A thought experiment: you wake in a hospital bed having been kidnapped and hooked up to a one-of-a-kind musical genius dude, whose kidneys are failing so he needs to borrow yours for a day while he waits for a transplant. His fans have kidnapped you, he's in a coma, it's not his fault, will you agree to help filter his blood for a day at no great harm to yourself? Again today, I feel my blood rise and I think "I'm sorry, but I already know what I'm supposed to agree to think, and I'm just not playing", and I settle back to wait the hour out and hug him and leave. I simply don't care enough to fight. But then. He points to the air behind me, and TJ's voice pipes up from the backrow where he was supposed to be reading his book. TJ says, NO, and not only because nobody had a right to kidnap him, but to agree to such a thing would make the world a place where you might get kidnapped and then be guilted into going along with it, PLUS the dude will probably wake up and feel bad. The prof agrees in that way that says "yes yes you're right but you just don't understand", and he refers to TJ as a "she" who has a good point. I glance back, TJ looks very quiet very composed and like he could shoot to kill no problemo. The prof then goes on to make an analogy to a fetus as a result of a rape. Of course he does. But TJ didn't agree in the first place to the whole musical genius thing, so he's hardly primed to agree to play with the fetus. He raises his hand again (he's 10 - this is a lecture hall full of adults) and suggests it's a false analogy, becasue among other reasons, the fetus is just a kid and not some old musician who probably has lived plenty already. The prof says in his thunderous prof tone, "In some cultures, old people are valued MORE for their WISDOM than youth is for its potential" and everyone laughs. TJ waits for the tittering to stop, says simply, "But not in this culture." He's not being a smart ass, that's simply true, not in this culture. The talk goes on, I am tempted to get involved in the debate, but the emeritus professor is my mentor truly and loves me and his look says "Don't" so I don't. When it's over, TJ hands me a napkin from the pizza buffet on which he's written 4 questions, and he wishes me to give this note to the professor. It reads on one side:

1. If there is no sense of obligation, why would anyone help anyone else?
2. If there is no law but you feel like there is one and feel like you have to do something, what's the difference?
3. Is anyone worth any more? Like a musician?
4. I am C--, son of G--

on the other side it reads:

Please
1. Answer here:
2. Answer here:
3. Answer here:
4. You can apologize for calling me a girl here:

how does he LOSE THE PUCK? whoever ever heard of that? Ears was too mortified for the guy to enjoy it, seriously

VIRGO You require a great deal of freedom in your relationships. You'll put some distance between you and the person who tries to manipulate you and your emotions.

duncan sheik - shout (tears for fears)

The nature of the game is changing. Do you know which game I'm referring to? I mean the one that everyone's playing but no one's acknowledging they're playing. The rules of the game had held steady for quite some time, but recently they began to shift. Now even the game's rewards are in the process of metamorphosing. My advice? You don't necessarily need to splash a big dose of raw candor all over the place, but I do recommend that you at least tell yourself the truth about what's going on.

the killers - why don't you find out for yourself (morrissey)

This is a pic of my great-great-grandmother Etta Strong, with accompanying letter she wrote to her daughter Margaret (my great-grandmother, the woman I knew as Granny).

Etta was married to man who "spanked" one of her sons to death. Sometime shortly thereafter, she was diagnosed with TB, given 2 months to live, and told to go out west to prolong her lung function in the drier air. She started a ranch, and she lived 18 years longer. She never returned to her husband or saw him again.

holy shit, a miracle

hahahahahhahahahahaha

CAPRICORN (my rising sign) Every now and then, bleak thoughts cross your mind. It's because you are tired. But fear not. There will be plenty of opportunity to conquer the world after you've taken the time to dream and recharge.

A super sunny fall day out there - Soak up some of that vitamin D! Go for a ride and park your car in some sunny country cranny and take a nice cozy nap . . . .

this guy is better unplugged



WEEKEND LOVE FORECAST: ARIES: You are dancing and happy -- an irresistible combination. TAURUS: You don't want or need anyone to save you, and because of this, you'll attract equally self-sufficient people. GEMINI: You love to be around the person who lets you be you. CANCER: You're happiest when you are with someone who asks excellent questions and listens to what you have to say. LEO: You are beautiful when you smile, and you should do so often wherever you go. VIRGO: Someone wants to know your favorite things so that he or she can deliver them to your hands. LIBRA: Social grace is all about timing. Be ultra-aware of how those around you are pacing themselves. SCORPIO: Your emotional world is like a glass that must be emptied before it can be filled anew. Spill your feelings. SAGITTARIUS: Be aware of the deep effect you have on the lives of those around you. CAPRICORN: You're with someone who inspires you to choose the things that bring you the most enjoyment. AQUARIUS: You will make an admirable choice that is clearly for the highest good of all concerned. Someone loves you for this. PISCES: The value you give yourself is the value that others will give you.

Sometimes the assumption of privilege in the school out here gets on my nerves. They routinely tell kids to do such things as “bring their homework in on a thumb drive” and “stay for such-in-such afterschool, call your mom to pick you up.” If we were poor and/or I was working as many hours as most single mothers, I don’t think we could even live here. I like living here, but that kinda stuff just gets on my nerves. (aside: Ears forgot his highliters last week, and when scolded he shot back “What if my mom were too poor to buy me highliters?” for which he got in trouble because they took it as if he were lying by saying I was poor, so unthinkable is it that a kid could have a sociopolitical thought and/or that there is anything to have such a thought about.) The latest thing was that all the kids were supposed to bring in their digital cameras yesterday. Not on cell phones, o no that would be too easy, they were to bring “regular digital cameras” for a field trip to the zoo. The trip was an art trip, and the kids are going to be drawing and painting animals hereafter, so everyone should bring their cameras . . (why??) . . . because apparently pictures of animals are hard to come by otherwise?? Stupid. And again, how lame is it to assume all kids just have such things to toss around in their backpacks? Even out here in Lodi, surely someone must have lost their job by now. So anyway, I’m running around trying to even find the damn thing (everyone uses their phone now, duh) and then it’s out of charge grrrrr, and I’m cursing out the school with such thoughts as “I hope the entire middle school population takes pictures of each other’s asscracks whatever and drives that damn art teacher nuts.”

Action is low at the zoo for the animals now that it’s cold. That’s why, I’m guessing, that the monkeys got so excited to see all the kids running around. So excited, in fact, that one of them jerked off right in front of the display glass, screeching and jumping up and down and thrusting his monkey penis at them. While, indeed, the kids took pictures. The thing I like best about that story is that while the kids were amused, the male teachers were DELIGHTED. They could not stop laughing. Ed was laughing so hard telling me this story, I’m still laughing just remembering how hard he was laughing. The social studies teacher man exclaimed in glee, “There’s even a happy ending!” as the monkey splattered his load onto the glass, buckshot style, all the teacher dudes howlin' and applauding.

(for not posting an accompanying pic with this story: you're welcome)

ASTROLOGICAL INSIGHT: Why and How To Bring Virgo Energy into Your Life. Virgo, the sixth sign of the zodiac, is the sign associated with service and health. It's about habits that shape you. It's the sign associated with daily responsibilities, both paid and unpaid, and the work that is involved in just being you. Virgo energy is especially handy when you want to change a habit or make an improvement in your life. It's helpful during the entire process of making the change. Virgo energy guides the analysis, planning and execution of the new behavior. And most importantly, Virgo energy provides the impetus to repeat an action until it is an ingrained, natural and automatic response. Every person has Virgo energy represented somewhere in his or her astrological chart. Maybe it's a prominent energy, or maybe it's lying dormant. You can activate Virgo energy by deciding on the improvement you want to make and seeing yourself as a person who embodies this new behavior. Then repeat the new habit daily. Repetition is the key. As you put your new behavior into practice, the Virgo energy of self-discipline and a healthful, helpful mindset will begin to flow through your life and sustain you.

[take your vitamins; save your money]

wtf is up w/ the conservative white guy crying thing? glen beck does this too . . . c'mon dudes, being poor white trash + a mere penis does not = wa wa wa. just SHUT IT.



"how do you know you're there??" hahahahah

(setting: I'm painting a wall)

me: watch it! seriously, don't get paint all over hell
tj: you need stuff to worry about
me: o don't start, there's paint, duh, don't f'n step in it
tj: no I've thought about this
me: here we go
tj: you need to worry about stuff and care for stuff or you go crazy or something
me:
tj: in fact, since you care for me, I have never seen you crazy. I guess.
me: ha
ears: ha
ears: yeah it's true, you always want to be taking care of stuff. what are you gonna do when we grow up? go crazy all the time?
me: I was planning on killing myself. but . .
ears: jesus!
tj: mom!
me: well I know, I'm happier now so I need a new back up plan. but I keep putting it off. hoping you'll just grow up slowly.
ears: that's not working is it?
me: well. it's probably why I spoil the shit out of you; I'm unconsciously slightly crippling you in an attempt to prolong your childhood
tj:
ears:
ears: that's fucked up!
me: don't say fuck
ears: lol
tj: lol
me: lol
tj: I love your laugh mom, you snort when you laugh.

method man - release yo delf (prodigy remix) this is iffy at first but it really grows on ya
bonus track: prodigy - smack my bitch up

I cancelled Monday, every minute of 24 hours of it.